Saturday, December 27, 2008

Homonymity is not a choice: A response to Kaleb's response to my. . . whatever he called it


'Sup peoples?

Hear's what I think:

Some words are just dyeing to be misused. I think "their" has always wished that it could be demonstrative, and "there" can't shake the desire to be possessive. These words don't have a choice. After all, who would choose to have to endure all the stigma of being wrong all the time? And they have an excuse - if anybody asks, they were just at the wrong place at the wrong time.

I give these words a place to roam free, and be what they want to be. They need not be confined under the weight of "correct" English grammar. After all, what is correct grammar and word usage anyway? Just the arbitrary whims of thinking people who have the time to write dictionaries and style books. Forget what they say.

Whose with me?

Friday, December 26, 2008

I respond.

Friends, Americans, Countrymen (and all you international types too), a gauntlet has been thrown down. 

I am referring, of course, to the last post, which features a stunning portrait of myself, along with sundry gibberish. The only proper response to such behavior is to post another cooler, more generally awesome, and somehow better-looking picture of myself to top Rob's.














I leave you to judge how well I succeeded. 

But I jest. Nay, the real response must be to Rob's incredible claim to harbor abused words. As indeed he does. If by harbor you mean beat, bend, and violate. Rob claims to shelter misused words, and does so by further misusing and abusing them. One imagines his similar shelter for abused dogs including such friendly items as whips, over-tight muzzles, and cattle prods (I jest, of course, Rob loves dogs - medium rare). Despite my redneck upbringing, my Southern heritage, and years of bad influence, I refuze too right sentence's "like" this won hear. It gives me a headache. 


Also, and on a separate note, as Josiah deftly pointed out below, and as Theresa predicted, I missed two of my calls on films if we're going by Rotten Tomatoes. As I went with the RT the first time, I'll stick by them now, although I note in passing that they've been wrong before. Looks like Valkyrie passed and Bedtime Stories washed. I had such hopes, but I should have known the minute I saw Courtney Cox was involved.

Well, all, the world is made new. The world of orphans, divorce, rape, murder, oppression, cancer, and the stomach flu has already been reborn, renewed, and remade, just not yet. Praise to our Christ, the God-man. Merry Christmas, even if it's late. 

P.S. Rob is really an animal lover. He has more love for dogs than almost anybody I know. Which makes it all the more rad and hysterical that I make him out as a dog hater. And yes, I totally said "rad" so I could use the label "I said rad." While we're at it, sigma. Got another one. 

We at Flabbergasted wish you a marry Christmas

Merry Christmas! Please remember that Christmas doesn't end on the 25th of December. Traditionally, there are supposed to be twelve days of Christmas and the 25th is the first day. So, have a happy second day of Christmas.

Friday, December 19, 2008

The Rob Noland Center for Misplaced and Abused Words


Well, I found out something truly amazing a couple days ago. Kaleb hates homonyms! He's what we would call a dehomonyzer, a mahomynist, an anti-homonitic, take your pick. I would say he's a homophobe, but that means something very different (which is rather ironic, isn't it?). In short, he's very intolerant of homonyms.

I however, have much sympathy with homonyms. I have often had the feeling that I'm not where I belong. For example, sometimes I get the idea that I've wandered into the wrong apartment; strengthened by the terrified screams and painful anti-intruder mechanisms (baseball bats) they tend to use. Personally, I don't see what the big deal is. Same building, right? What's the difference? Sheesh. Get a grip people.

Anyway. . .

Inasmuch as I believe that their aren't enough homonyms in Kaleb's posts; I'm going to let homonyms in to mine. I want my posts to be a haven for abused words. I want them to feel that they are always welcome to come into my posts, and be just as wrong as they want to be. After all, they can't help what they are - that is how Webster made them. So, Whose with me?

The only hitch is, I can't have to many, or the post would get overcrowded. Therefore, I will try to have at least one, and not more than 10 in each post. (I might even try to smuggle some into Kaleb's posts. Who knows?)


N.B. I am not actually in favor of unlawful entry into other people's rented rooms. I pretty much stick to my own quarter's in this venerable establishment. And alas, I haven't actually been attacked with a baseball bat during my stay at the "Moscow Hotel".

Green Day- American Idiot


Peoples! Christmas comes early this year (Not particularly early. It should have come in about a month ago. But who cares? It's here!). That's right. . . on vinyl. . . "AMERICAN IDIOT."

Wright now, Jesus of Suburbia is blaring on the record player. This is the way punk was meant to be listened.

(Skip a bit)

Wait for it. . . Wait for it. . . OH YES, Boulevard of Broken Dreams is gracing itself across the needle. Oh, this is so totally rad.

I wish you were here.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The 100th issueversary- The Anemic Muskrat

Here we are ladies and gentlemen. This is, indeed, a momentous occasion. I have a few words to say (in the form of a fable) in commemoration of our hundredth post. Here goes:

There was once a very scared muskrat. He didn't have any particular reason to be scared, except that a voracious dog was chasing him. The poor anemic thing. That's right, the muskrat is anemic. Is there no justice in the world? Not that we should blame the dog either; he was hungry (and anorexic). When seeing the muskrat the dog couldn't help but defecate. . . uh, I mean salivate. So, the dog was chasing the poor muskrat all around in circles and the muskrat became all lightheaded (because he's anemic) and fainted. Well, this didn't please the dog. He was hungry, but not hungry enough to eat something that had fainted. You see, the dog always did this. He was always making excuses for not eating something. So, he just returned to his own vomit, I mean kennel. The muskrat lived to bleed another day.

Moral: Better look before you read next time. Ha Ha Ha!

One away from the hundredth post. . .

And I'm not letting Kaleb have the big one. Which is the main point of this beauty of a post. So, I'd like to take this opportunity to say hello to everyone. Hello everyone. Okay, on to the next post.

I am 80 hours and 41 minutes from home

So I wanted to post again, mainly so I had something to do besides homework. And I have the attention span of a drunk 2 year old right now, so we'll be doing another several random points of information that hopefully inform and start to entertain.

1. Over the last two nights, I have got 7 hours of sleep. There have been more than 120 ounces of soda involved, which doesn't sound like much until you realize that that translates to more than 600 milligrams of caffeine. Now I don't know much, but since I can't hold my hands steady right now, I'm gonna say that it's a little imbalanced. As I slurp away on my Wheatberries fountain drink.

2. This makes me laugh.

3. I have "errands" to "run" for the first time in my life. I mean, of course I've made a grocery run for my mom, I've picked up drinks for parties, I've even made trips for the sole purpose of banking. But I have a to do list which involves cleaning out fridges, buying Christmas gifts, discussing thermostats with building supers, etc.

4. I'm not sure what to make of this. Apocalypse: yeah. Nic Cage: heck no. I do, however, know what to make of this. And that is: frippin amazing.

5. Thom Yorke has the voice of an angel.



6. Jon Tollefson's poetry does, indeed, make the English language look like a cat. One whose fur he strokes the wrong way, just to watch the fireworks. And those fireworks make me laugh great peals of laughter.

7. You know you've been up north for too long when 17 seems balmy.

8. Last night I think I caught 30 minutes of sleep doing Latin flashcards; like thirty seconds each time I changed slides. I learned so very much.

9. Two days left, people (sorry, Jeremy). Let's Stoke these bad boys.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I catch the general public up

So it's finals week for most of the collegiate world, and we are no exception. While I have plenty of work left to do and it's pretty early, I thought I'd take a sec and update everybody on what's been going on. 

1) Not to toot my own horn, but so far I'm batting 1000 on my movie predictions. The Day The Earth Stood Still got panned so badly it made Twilight look good. 

2) I think if I nail every one of my prophecies regarding upcoming film, somebody should buy me lunch. 

3) So it was a little chilly tonight: 











4) This excites me to just short of no end. 
X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE HD


5) The word "epic" hasn't really been creeping into the general vocabulary of our class so much as violently hurling itself, leaving behind it a trail of devastation and laughter. 

6)  Rob and I will be running like madmen (at least, I will be) down the concourse of the New Orleans Airport towards nine or so frantically waving people in approximately 114 hours and 48 minutes. Not that I'm counting. 

7) I am very much looking forward to Tim Tebow running all over the OU defense and destroying that poor sap that got the Heisman. 

8) Blackberry waffles hot off the iron, topped with cold syrup, and flanked by pepper bacon and cheese scrambled eggs, is pretty much the ultimate brinner. 

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Sigur Ros- Staralfur

I do say, there is a lot of common grace going on with this band. This music is heavenly. I hope this song affects you as much as it did me!


Saturday, December 13, 2008

The 2000th customer. . . I mean visitor

Ladies and Gentlemen, Tyler Antkowiak (madmancorner.blogspot.com) is our 2000th visitor. He shall receive something from "Bucer's" at the time of his choosing. Congratulations Tyler!

Friday, December 12, 2008

Sigur Ros- Njosnavelin (the nothing song)/Untitled #4

Listen to this song, and tell me it isn't beautiful. It's repetitive, but it still has just enough variation to sustain the beauty. Words are useless, just listen to it.

Sigur Ros is amazing. I recommend heartily.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

I get excited

Okay guys, so here's the deal. I'm ridiculously excited about Christmas break, so I've been trying to line up the movies I want to see with family and friends. Anyhow, I've stumbled across a few soon-to-be-released films that look good, bad, and downright ugly. So I'll post a preview, draw conclusions about a book from merely perusing the cover, and you get to critique me. Here goes. 

The Day the Earth Stood Still, directed by Scott Derrickson
Release Date: December 19, 2008

Verdict: Bad. Although I'm excited they're doing a remake of a classic, I refuse to be a part of something that pays Keanu Reeves more than 10 million dollars to act like an alien. Seriously, I can think of at least a million better ways to throw away money than to pay Keanu Reeves to be himself. 

Terminator: Salvation, directed by McG
Release Date: May 22, 2009

Verdict: Good. T4 stars Christian Bale as John Connor? Okay, why in the world did it take them that long to figure this out? Throw in Helena Bonham Carter and Bryce Dallas Howard, without a doubt two of the most talented actresses right now, and I'm yours. Did I mention it's written by James Cameron, who wrote T2 and T3, directed T2 (arguably the best) and also directed Aliens? Yeah. That's right.  By the by, a much better quality video is here.

Avatar, directed by James Cameron
Release Date: December 18, 2009

Verdict: Good. It's James Cameron, it's apparently got the second biggest budget in film history (a quarter of a billion. That's right, with a b), and it's about Earth trying to take over another planet. It's either gonna be great or terrible. We'll give Cameron the benefit of the doubt, for right now. 

Bedtime Stories by Adam Shankman
Release Date: December 25, 2008

Verdict: Good. Adam Shankman, if you look him up on the IMDB, hasn't had a real miss as a director. Apparently Sandler took a cue from fellow adult comic Stiller and decided to do something kid friendly. We'll see if Courtney Cox can also drop the whole skank thing for a few minutes. It'll definitely be a stretch. 

Defiance, directed by Edward Zwick
Release Date: January 16, 2009

Verdict: Good. Daniel Craig is a great actor, and Zwick's credits include Glory, Blood Diamond, The Siege, and The Last Samurai. Looks like a winner to me.  

The International by Tom Twyker
Release Date: February 13, 2009

Verdict: Good. Yeah, Clive Owen is one of my favorite actors ever. This could go south and just be about vigilante justice, or it could actually be a great movie. But it's got Clive Owen, ya'll. And also, in a weird twist, Twyker recently broke up with his long-time girlfriend, who happens to be Marie from the Bourne movies. Has nothing to do with the movie, just a weird little fact. 

Valkyrie directed by Bryan Singer
Release Date: December 25, 2008
Verdict: Ugly. Guys, I'm sorry. It's always worse when great movies fail over a single, glaring oversight. Tom Cruise should not have been within a hundred miles of this film. It's directed by Bryan Singer (X-men, X2, The Usual Suspects, Superman Returns, and producer of House, M.D.), it's got Kenneth Branagh, Bill Nighy, Tom Wilkinson, and even Eddie Izzard. Why, in the world, would anybody let this talent go to waste on a Tom Cruise movie!?! I could be wrong. I hope I'm wrong, that this turns out to be amazing and Cruise pulls off the performance of a lifetime. But I don't think that's likely. 

Up, directed by Pete Doctor and Bob Peterson
Release Date: May 29, 2009 

Verdict: Good. Um, so can anyone actually think of anything they wanted to do as a childmore than this?! I mean seriously, this is a genius idea for a film. Pure genius.

90 hits from the mark

Only 90 hits away, keep your eyes on the prize loyal readership.

Friday, December 5, 2008

What's wrong with this picture?

It's a little hard to make out, but that's Starbursts sitting on Kaleb's plate. He left them sitting there like he was just peeling off shrimp tails.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is how short on food we are. Instead of chips (like normal people) we are eating Starbursts with our grilled turkey sandwiches (or veggie burgers, if you have the enormously good luck of being me).

Monday, December 1, 2008

Tear the world together

Have you heard that "Hootie & The Blowfish" song Take My hand? I was listening to that this evening, and I've always thought he was saying "tear the world together" and I looked up the lyrics to see if I was right. But I was not right. I was wrong. Shock and awe and pandelirium! He was saying "Take the world together."

Anyway, I think the song would be better if he said "tear the world together" (the upside of course is that I get to use this term like I coined it myself). Because that's really the task of reconciliation - there is nothing peaceful about it. In fact, there is nothing peaceful about "peace" at all.

To many people, peace implies passivity. However, NOTHING could be further from the truth (well, I suppose something could be; don't press me on it). There is nothing so violent to the present human condition as peace. If you want people to be at peace, for God's sake pull the Ak's out of their hands. Guess what? You might have to make them play nice, and it might be violent. Then you can go about the long and arduous task of teaching them to like it (don't leave that out or you'll just have gun control).

The problem with pacifism is that it so often becomes "passivism." For instance, let us take that old hypothetical situation- a robber has a gun and he wants to harm your family, you have a gun what do you do (or more towards the spirit of the question: what would Jesus do?) My answer is that there is nothing noble about refusing to protect your family when a robber comes around because you "don't want to hurt him." In fact, I would say that inaction in this circumstance is a form of violence. By refusing to take action you would not be doing anyone a favor. You are allowing someone to complete a sinful and violent act, and also neglecting your God-given duty as protector of the family.


N.B. - When I say "For God's sake" I'm not taking God's name in vain. I really mean it literally. That is literally the reason you should take people's guns away from them if they're not playing nice. Also, I say "them" as a sort of nebulous "whoever is at war with each other" sort of thing.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Two THOUSAND hittarinis

At this time, we are approximately 300 hits away from being at the wonderful round number of 2000. I would like to announce that the same contest applies for this, our second, milestone. If you are an Idahoan Muscovite personage and you have the extreme fortune of being the two-thousandth hitter I will do one of several things:

If you are a dude I will give you some of my excellent advice about how to become a prodigious pogo stick jumper. For your information, this type of skill is highly attractive to the ladyfolk. Or, I'll get you something from "Wheatberries."

If you are a lady I will ask you to stop hitting on us, because that's too funny to pass up. Then, I will buy you whichever coffee you want at "Sister's Brewery." Or, you also still have the "Wheatberries" option.

If you are from and live in my hometown, then I will get you something good from either Jay's Bakery or the Milton Bakery. You choose, and your coolness will be determined by which you choose.

If you don't live in either of these great places, then I will do a post on a topic of your choice (within reason) and make it as ridiculous as I possibly can.




Friday, November 28, 2008

Why Dane is no longer an author on "Help! I've been Flabbergasted!"

It's not because we don't love Dane (Swede) anymore. On the contrary, we love Dane just as much as ever and we would like to wish him a happy birthday (40 min. late, sorry).

It's just that Dane has his own blog that he posts to, and I felt that we shouldn't pressure him anymore to post on this blog.

That, and I like the original picture of Kaleb and me much better. Brings back memories of us being seniors at Trinitas. So there you go.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Sloth strikes back

You remember when I did a post about "Se7en"? And I believe Kaleb told you about the "Sloth" doors. Perhaps you have forgotten. Anyway, there are two doors on my floor, right next to each other, with no labeling whatsoever. I pointed out the general freakiness about a week into the term and Kaleb suggested that it might be the residence of "sloth", strapped to the bed in unspeakable agony and awful freaketry.

Well, we've never seen anyone go in or out of those doors . . . until last night. J-Saud and I were doing the ol' "knock on the door and run like crazy people down the stairs or into the flat because we are scared out of our wits about what may come out of those doors" routine. We do this a lot; pretty regularly over 3 months. Anyway, I was running ahead of Jeremy and fumbling to open the door. When we got in, he told me in a hushed whisper that he saw the door open and light pour forth. You could have heard a child scream, the silence was so complete. Sure enough, there was knocking on our door. We wait a terrified fifteen seconds. I look through the peep hole and it was something so hideous and hairless. . . that it didn't have any hair. In other words, the dude was bald. And then, he laid down his fearful ultimatum - "Could you guys stop knocking on other people's doors." So I just answered, "sure we'll stop."

I did not really have my wits together. I should have maintained deniability. "Uh, I don't know what you are talking about dude." Or, I could at least have told him that his is the only door we knock on. That would have made him feel special. Or especially mad. Anyway, I decided to appease the beast with an easy, albeit boring, answer.

The End

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Something very profound - Wait for it, Wait for it

I would like to say something very profound to you today. I had something prepared for this occasion but it was lost. Alas, I am absent-minded.

Instead I'm going to tell you about how Mr. Monty Python made his own special channel on youtube. So I will. Did you know that there is now a Monty Python channel on the UK YouTube? Well, now you do.

Check this out:

I Take an Open Poll

Go to the comments, and tell us your favorite movie of all time. If you can't pick one, pick three. That's all. In 48 hours or so, the three of us (right Swede?) will post our top one or three. The 6 or 7 most common movies will get put in that snazzy little sidebar poll thing, and so we will determine the movie most loved by the readership, so then we can bash it more than the rest, and so further alienate the people we enjoy.  Sounds like fun, eh? 

No but seriously, I think I'll do this once a year or so and then we can see if our overall tastes change. Also, we get to make fun of each other for our favorite movies. It will be amazing! 

I name the Top 10 Weapons in Movies

Alright, time for another top something list of somethings. This round, it's the top 10 list of weapons in film. That's right, the 10 most famous and infamous instruments of destruction in cinema. Now, this list is open to critique and change, even addition should the need be there, because I don't pretend to have extensive movie experience. Just enough to make me dangerous - or at least annoying. Anyhow, here goes. 

Top 10 Most Famous Weapons in Cinema
10. John McClane's Beretta 9mil + 7 Inches Duct Tape
Bruce Willis' performance in Die Hard revolutionized the action movie genre. That last scene -every guy wants that. Save your girl with a pistol that's duct-taped to your back? That's the definition of manliness.  
 
9. The Italian Stallion's Fists
Rocky wasn't just a great boxing movie. It is the boxing movie. Rocky took over boxing films like Kleenax took over tissues. It defined an era and started a genre.
 
8. Bond's Walther PPK
This weapon had to make the list. James' favorite field piece, outdated and painful to use though it is, is an indispensable part of the 007 persona. Besides, this weapon has saved the world so many times it's ridiculous. 

7. Rambo's M60
The quintessential man's philosophy: little bit good, lotta bit better. Especially when it comes to guns. If a sword is decent, a pistol good, and an assault rifle better, let's give a ticked off Nam veteran the biggest machine gun we can find, and have him dismantle a town with it. Sheer genius. 

6. King Arthur's Sword Excalibur 
I know what you're thinking - surely, Clive Owen fan though he may be, Trotter hasn't just put that two-bit tripe-fest King Arthur in a top ten list of anything?! Sigh with relief, as this is the sword from Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail. Come now, any sword that bestows supreme executive power when thrown by some watery tart, as well as being able to take off arms of black knights at the lightest touch, well, that's my kind of sword. 

5. Robin Hood's Bow (as carried by Errol Flynn)
Robin Hood is arguably the ultimate folk hero. Flynn's portrayal is timeless, and set the standard for future adaptations of the tale, as well as for future heros in film. Although the arrows never seemed to draw blood, they were still enough to woo Marian. 

4.  Indiana Jones' Whip
Utterly original, completely unexpected, absolutely brilliant. Indiana Jones was the first real hero to use a whip since Zorro. How successful was it? Suffice it to say that nobody thinks Zorro when they see a whip anymore. They think fedora. 

3. Harry Callahan's .44 Magnum
Whether or not the magnum is the most powerful handgun in the world, or can blow a man's head off, or is even a decent gun, it doesn't really matter. Clint's immortal words cemented forever the place of the .44 in the annals of film. 

2. Any Gun Held by John Wayne
I'm thinking specifically of the Winchester rifles of True Grit, but anything the Duke uses will do. Wayne, like him or not, was the cinematic icon, the Elvis of film. Any weapon he held was made awesome by his touch. Especially those swinging rifles -- reins in his teeth, galloping at the villains, the Duke was the man. 

1. Luke Skywalker's Lightsaber
This is like putting the Beetles at the top of any music list - you just know it's gotta be there. The lightsaber made everything old new again, and proved the timeless elegance and beauty of the swordfight. The grace and visceral energy of Skywalker as he deflects imperial lasers and fights Darth Vader has captivated generation after generation. 

Monday, November 24, 2008

In which I try to say something intelligible (although irrelevant) using only song lyrics

The phone rings in the middle of the night,
My father yells "It's a beautiful day, don't let it get away." That's just the way it is, somethings will never change - while mona lisas and mad hatters, sons of bankers, sons of lawyers
turn around and say good morning to the night. Ain't no sunshine when she's gone. But when the sun shines again I'll pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in. Beautiful dawn - lights up the shore for me. Thought I would die a lonely man, in endless night. But now I'm high. I'll be up with the sun, I'm not coming down.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Homosexuality is usually not a choice. . .

But the fact that the orientation itself is most likely involuntary in no way excuses its indulgence (no more than heterosexuals are excused for adultery).

There is a common misconception flying around Christian circles that claims that at some point, every homosexual chose to become homosexual. They intellectually resist any indication to the contrary. If scientists discovered a "gay" gene (possibly the xq28 chromosome) tomorrow, there would be many Christians who would no longer know how to condemn the practice of homosexuality. They've built a huge part of their defense of the Biblical doctrine of marriage on shaky foundations.

These days, we hear a lot about tolerance. The liberals preach it and the conservatives go running out of the room with their hands over their ears. The problem is a faulty understanding of the difference between acceptance and love. The liberals have something right. We should love the homosexual. There is absolutely no justification for holding up a sign that says "God hates fags" at a gay pride parade. Besides being completely wrong, people who do this are sending out a message of hate to a people they are called to love. The liberals therefore equate love with acceptance.

The conservatives have something right too. We don't have to accept homosexuality into our homes and churches. We have a duty to the body of Christ, and to the homosexuals themselves. We are doing them no favors by telling them that there is nothing wrong with their behavior. Practicing homosexuals should be barred from church membership and from partaking of the Lord's Table (just as anyone living in grievous sin should be, homosexuality is not uniquely abominable in God's eyes). However, does a father cease to love his son, because his son is disobedient to him? No, he loves his son; therefore, he sends him to his room without his supper. I would be extremely surprised if anyone was ever positively changed because someone withheld love from him. Donald Miller in "Blue Like Jazz" pointed out how seriously flawed and downright sinful a method it is to seek to change someone through not loving them. It is hopeless and selfish. Love is the social catalyst.

So, liberals love and wrongly accept; conservatives don't love, because they think to love is accept. Have you guessed the solution? It's the only other permutation. Love, but do not accept. Christ says "Come to Me just as you are." He does not say "come to me and you can stay just as you are." When we give the homosexual the latter message, it is a false gospel.

These are some things I have been thinking about lately. Please don't take this as me saying that every liberal, and every conservative is like this. I am obviously painting in very broad strokes and coloring in the lines provided by stereotypes.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Galactophagist (n.)

You heard me - Galactophagist. This is the new word of the day. Some of you philologists might be able to guess this one. Same rules as before (basically, don't be lame by cheating). Go ahead, impress me.

So did I

Well, this means that you now have to learn six random facts about me.

Here goes:

1. When I was a baby I could spin a pacifier around like a propeller (really freaking out, and amusing nursery attendants). I could be a 1000 dollarionaire if my parents had just taped it and sent it to AFV. Some other kid won 1st prize for that stunt recently, and he had half of my spinning talent.

2. I was mock held-up in Paris with a banana. By a very drunk man who thought it was hilarious (but I really wasn't in the mood)

3. I am ridiculously affected by smacking.

4. I analyze things to a ridiculous extent.

5. I like doing voice impressions and fake accents.

6. I used to be called Robbie (until about the 7th grade).


Alright, I tag: MPK, Hannah Noland, My dad, Winston Kimmel, Tyler Knight, Justin Hughes (even though he never reads this and would probably not participate if he did). If you are not one of those people and you were not tagged by Kaleb, go ahead and do your own and pretend like I tagged you.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I got tagged

Okay, so, a while back, Faith of Viva la Vida fame tagged me on her blog. Here's the rules: you list six random things about you, you call out six people you know to do the same. And the unwritten rule is, of course, unlike chain emails, if you don't do it you're sorta the tacky guy on the block. And I ain't that guy. So here it is.

1. I could not stand pizza until the summer after I turned 15. Until this year I hated spaghetti and lasagna. I've never been able to comprehend people's desire for guacamole.

2. I love vinyl records. Rob and I collectively own almost thirty LPs, and they are the way of the future. That's right, the future.

3. Rob and I have a running dare that we won't turn on the heat in our apartment. He said "So when are we gonna turn the heat on?" I responded, "whenever you get cold." He then said: "I can last as long as you can." To which my obvious response was, "and I can last longer than you, so I guess we're good."

4. I have an unreasonable, unpredictable, and totally irrational love for the band Journey.

5. Until this past August, when I moved into the apartment, I've never had my own room. I always shared one with my two younger brothers or sister (at least, as long as I can remember). And, perhaps even weirder, (unless you know my brothers, both the painfully cool Kanaan/Mark and the tragically hip Khristian/whatever annoying name I can come up with) I enjoyed it immensely. I think I'll make my children do the same.

6. My grandaddy makes the best BBQ in the world, and my grandmother makes the best fried chicken. This is the grandaddy who dipped my pacifier in Dr. Pepper when I was but a tyke. I also vividly remember the two times in my life that they have
not had DP in their fridge. Those were tragic days.


Okay, so that's it. You now know 6 extremely random yet important factors in my life. I think my favorite part of this list is the descriptors of my brothers. You can commonplace me if you'd like. (sarcasm alert - I really don't think you should, it's not all that great) The beauty of it is, if you know my brothers you know how very, very true those words are. Kanaan is (at least to my nerdy self) always cool, often painfully cool. And Khristian, well, he's just always tragically hip. And yes, you can say that your grandmother or mother or cousin Suzie makes better fried chicken than my grandmother. Just know, deep down in your heart of hearts, that you're wrong. Really, objectively, utterly wrong.

Oh yeah, six people. Hmm. Most people I know that read this blog don't have one. But, all the same, here goes. You guys can post your six in the comments section. And make it interesting, people. Surprise me (Trey, not too much). That said, if you refuse, I'll understand, I'll just call you girl names for the rest of the time I know you (except for Antkowiak - I won't do a thing except ask why, and then in a completely non-aggressive tone of voice).

Bobby Lee, Trey, Will Hughes, Mark (yeah, you Kano), Jeremy Sauder, Tyler Antkowiak.

Monday, November 17, 2008

First word of the day!

Callomania (n.)


I'm starting off with an easy one. Y0u will be permanently banned from this blog if you look up the word on google. Not really (I'm not that strict, I don't know how to do that, and we appreciate all our readers), but come on people; play fair. Furthermore, if you own a copy of "Mrs. Byrne's. . ." please refrain from entering into the fray. Otherwise, dig in!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Mrs. Byrne

Greetings everyone,

I would like to announce that I recently purchased "Mrs. Byrne's Dictionary of Unusual, Obscure, and Preposterous Words." Therefore, every time I feel like it I'm going to post a "word of the day" that I've found in that wonderful catalogue of the absurd.


Agomphious (adj.) - toothless

Sunday, November 9, 2008

I make a promise

Alright folks, it's coming up. Our blog scores the big 1000 hits mark. That's right, people have looked in on this all-too-beautiful page 1000 times. So here's the deal. You scroll to the bottom of the page. If you see a golden 1000 staring back at you (or just a gray one - whatever) take a screen shot of it and email it to me or Rob, or let us know in the comments section. But you'd better have proof! (Or be able to swear on your mother's grave and all such and sundry) 

If you are that lucky person, you have two choices. If you're in Moscow, I will buy you a cookie at Wheatberries. Or a foccacia pizza. Whichever you want. If you're in Pensacola/Milton, I will buy you a doughnut at Milton Bakery come Christmastide. If you fit in neither category: first of all who are you, and second of all, you can ask any of us you would like to write on whatever you would like. 

Should nobody catch the magic 1000 (if somebody gets it and doesn't know, or doesn't let us know) and you see 1001, grab it. The nearest person (after 1000, no 999 business) will get the prize in their stead. Alright people. Watch and wait. And keep hitting that refresh button.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

I am suspicious of backpacking

Because Rob and Dane posted their Rhetoric declamations, and mine amused me when I wrote it, I will post mine as well. So, here goes. 

        Mr. Timothy Clemans asserts that “everyone should experience the joys and benefits of backpacking.” The heart of my disagreement with him is this simple truth: not everyone should go backpacking. Sure, it’s great for your health to breathe the fresh clear air, spiced with a hint of moose dung, but what about the other side of this issue? Mr. Clemans’ logic, though full of examples, seems short on practical experience. A dozen people can’t walk through a forest, camp, and leave it better than they found it. It just won’t happen. National parks try to limit human impact on the environment, but with little success. In Glacier Bay National Park, Alaska, the National Park Service reports that nearly 10% of camping sites had severe vegetative damage, while 86% had significant human impact. Mr. Clemans himself told a story that demonstrates this. Once when backpacking, he frightened a bald eagle away from the salmon it had just caught. Though the subsequent meal, the experience, and the scenery were, I am sure, great for Mr. Clemans, the eagle was left without a meal. We can enjoy nature without destroying it by backpacking. 

        In addition, Mr. Clemans says in at least four different ways that camping miles away from civilization is therapeutic. Civilization, I would hasten to point out, includes toilets. If you’ve ever had to take care of business on a cold and wet mountain, you know that “therapeutic” is not the word to describe it. “Fun, physical, and rewarding pastime” indeed. 

I give the Flabbergasted Bump

That's right, faithful readership. I'm givin' this video the legendary Flabbergasted Bump™. Watch it, love it, Tell it. That's how this one goes people. You watch it, you just happen to love it, and you end up showing it to 40 of your closest friends, worst enemies, and remote acquaintances, including several relatives. 

A little background on the material: Pastor Doug Wilson (our pastor here in Idaho) recently went on a debate tour with noted atheist Christopher Hitchens. If you don't know who Hitchens is, Google him immediately and read some things about him, maybe not so much by him, especially if you're younger. He can get a little crazy. He's what's commonly called a rabid atheist, as you may see in this video if you're a careful viewer. Anyhows, here it is. Enjoy. 


Friday, November 7, 2008

Don't wake me. . .

I plan on sleeping in. I am almost sick of talking about the late election (even though I really haven't that much), and I am definitely sick of hearing about it. This whole election has put a finer point on something that's been developing for years. Americans put too much hope in elections. Christians put too much hope in Republicans. And of course Democrats are now putting too much hope in change. Isn't that what we've been hearing for so long? Hope for America. Vote For Change.

I'm hoping President Obama will change our minds. I think that he will show Americans that their love affair with change is in reality a love affair with death, and it is certainly nothing new. I think some people will become disillusioned with the savior they elected, and come to know the Savior who elected them.

I think a lot of good will come from this election, but we won't see most of it for a good four years. So, wake me up in four years please.

That Hideous "X"

In my attic in Florida across from the air-hockey/ping-pong table, in front of the TV, to the side of my dad’s music studio, lies a box so hideous that it is only referred to as “X” (along with some random numbers used primarily by snowboarders.) Under those dull attic lights, along with other initiates I have sacrificed many of my precious neurons, to the great god of entertainment.

Now look, I don’t really think there’s anything sinister about playing video games. On the other hand, I don’t think there’s anything beneficial either. An occasional Halo party can be fun; but I disagree with Mr. Truax’s overblown claim that it sponsors lasting friendships. It is quite easy to point at two good friends who get together to play video games, and claim that the video games are responsible for their friendship. In fact, it’s so easy that it’s referred to (for convenience’s sake) as the “ad hoc” fallacy.

I agree with those in the reformed community who claim that video games can be addictive (generally, anything that offers instant gratification has this potential). It appears that Mr. Truax was on a hot-streak of fallacious reasoning when he dismissed this claim because our reformed community likes its alcohol and tobacco. This is called the fallacy of origin, little boys and girls, criticizing a position because of where it originated. The reformed community rightly treats alcohol and tobacco as substances to be used in moderation. We should do the same with video games.

Chicky Flicky

What is a chick flick anyway? Now I hope that the first thing that pops into your mind is not a small boy flicking a small chicken. It's not. A chick flick is a romantic comedy comprised of a guy and a girl who somehow fall in love with each other.

I know that there are bad chick flicks, but there are so many more redeeming chick flicks that we should watch. It was unfortunate to hear Miss Sundet categorize all chick flicks as junk. There are so many good ones: “Pride and Prejudice.” “My Big Fat Greek Wedding,” “Sense and Sensibility,” and let us not forget “Cinderella” or “Sleeping Beauty.” Miss Sundet said in her previous declamation that “chick flicks are fluff.” Now that's a bit much. Baby chickens are made of fluff. The point is, I know that chick flicks have predictable plots. I know that the characters are predictable. But that's what makes them so good. In the chick flick “Penelope” the characters are well portrayed. You hate the bad guys, but think they are hilarious at the same time. The film is a fairy tale and its star character is in fact, a girl with a pig nose. The movie has predictable characters, predictable plots, and the guy kisses the girl in the end. But isn't that what our world is like. We have predictable characters, predictable plots, and God brings the Church to Himself in the end with a triumphant kiss. If God didn't like chick flicks, he wouldn't have made one Himself.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Dreadlocks

Unfortunately, 4 is a majority when it comes to people voting on what I should do with my hair. Dreadlocks, eh? Are you picturing this?

First, I'm picturing not washing my hair for quite some time. (fun, yeah?)

Second, I think I'll make it green dreadlocks (since the runner-up was "dye it green").

Should I do anything with my beard?

I am, again, amazed

Guys, you didn't forget the Somali pirates did you? The ones who just saw a big ship and stopped it? I didn't think so. Well, there has been a lot of activity in that region recently, and despite the vigilant eyes of the U.S., Russia, a few E.U. ships, and NATO, at least one more large freighter has been seized by other Somali pirates. That being said, what of our original buddies on the good ship MS Faina? How have they lasted out the last month and a half? 

Well, they're still there. Their demand is now 8 million in the coldest and hardest instead of 20 million. Poor guys, it's tough being a pirate these days. People just don't have any respect any more. Sheesh. 

I almost want to pray for these guys to win just because they're so gutsy, but they're Muslims and pirates. So I suppose I'll be praying for their salvation and that they would figure out how exactly they're gonna get out of this one. 


Wednesday, November 5, 2008

I am going to shutup

The Dow is down 486 points, the S&P is down 52 points, and the NASDAQ is down 98 points. Curtis was right, and I was oh-so-very wrong. Not a real big surprise, considering my knowledge of economics. 

Anyhow, I'm not going to conjecture about why this happened, except to say that I don't really know who these "investors" are. Seriously, does anybody know? I also don't think that it was because people are realizing that Obama's just a politician. They've only had 18 hours to realize that, and I think it'll take more like 18 months, and that may be optimistic. 

Separate and tangentially related: Barack Hussein bin Ladin Jong Il Ayatollah Chavez Castro Stalin Obama is probably Muslim and he was probably born in Kenya, he's consorting with terrorists, and he just might have gotten rid of his grandmother (all things that, if Fox News haven't actually said yet, have been hinted in that particular lack of subtlety that seems to be their trademark), but he's going to be the President of the US of A unless something really crazy happens. So let's drop the blatant ad hominems and stick to criticizing his position, not him. I respect President Bush, I despise the war in Iraq. I love my friends, I hate their sins. Okay? So no more name-calling or other irrelevancies that do no help to anyone, vishte?*

*- That said, let's not get too terribly huffy and prissy. Let's laugh like Christians if something genuinely witty and still respectful comes along. Cue the Colbert, people.  

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Rob's got a confession to make. . .

I've already confessed this to several of my classmates, but I'd like to come out before everyone as a "non-voter" in this '08 election. I've got several reasons:

1) I don't mean to be fatalistic, but is this not a sinking ship? What's the use of moving a few marbles around in the hull?

b) Alas, I'm an isolated college student that doesn't even own a TV

γ) I was too lazy to register absentee

So, there you have it peoples. Please don't blame the outcome of this election on me
(*cough* MPK). My tiny little vote would have done hardly anything; you are apparently laboring under the delusion that this is a democracy.

I was very, very wrong, and will be again

And I admit it. That's all she wrote folks. No lawsuits or riots, at least not yet. Obama, like CNN predicted, lapped McCain. And yes, I am a false prophet in every sense of the word. Almost every state I named to go McCain went Obama. It makes me laugh. 

Well, it's been fun. I am actually kind of ambivalent about the whole imbroglio now. The Obamessiah has conquered, and socialism will be the order of the day, but is anything new under the sun? Doubt it. 


You can tell a person is insane by the fact that they try the same thing over and over again expecting a different result, a wise man once said. Well, here goes some insanity. I'm predicting again. Ready? Good. 

Hillary Clinton resigns her senator-ship to be Secretary of State for Obama. J-Bide then mysteriously disappears within the next 20 months. I'm gonna go with plane crash. Of course, there's always the possibility that a Klanner shoots the man J Gibbs has called the first half-white president. Or both. I can't say I'd be surprised at either. 

UPDATE: Curtis has brought up the interesting question of the stock market. He calls a collective dive. I say no such luck. We've just voted in the first democrat in 8 years, the first (half-)black president ever, and New York is a blue state. Hillary's the governor, and the Dutch Reformed guys upstate sure didn't choose her. I say the market jumps maybe 250 to 300 points tomorrow alone. It'll shallow out the next few days, but people are excited - especially Democrats with money. Worldwide we'll see repercussion climbs and also climbs of the markets on their own. Europe wants this man. 

ANOTHER UPDATE: In this post I say some pretty heavy things about democratic political figures. I have great respect for Pres-elect Obama. I honestly do. His rhetoric and his intelligence won this race. When I talk about potential assassinations, I do not want or encourage this. I'm just saying that if the man goes into the Deep South, some crazy idiot is bound to take a pot shot at the first black President. 

Monday, November 3, 2008

I play the prophet

Tomorrow, around 8 or 9 PM CST, the major news media is going to realize that this is a much closer race than anyone wants to say. States like Idaho, New York, Kansas, and Oklahoma will go exactly as polled. CNN's predictions, though, that Obiden will lap McPalin on electoral votes is just dang ridiculous. Virginia will not go to Obama, and neither will Montana or North Dakota. I'm having trouble seeing Washington going that way as well. I think Palin will swing a large portion. North Carolina is another easy shot for the Reds. We may have another state (a la New Hampshire in y2k) that's up in the Blue Northeast that ends up swinging over. The big problems will, as always, lie in the swing states. What will be interesting though, is that this election will do roughly what the 2000 election did. Ohio and Pennsylvania will be split between Dems and Reps. Ohio will again go to the Red and Pennsylvania Blue. The battle will end up in Florida, like it always seems to, and this is where Wolf Blitzer will get all shrill and flustered. 

All of a sudden he and the rest of the "best political team in the frippin universe"™ will realize that their polls were wrong. Here's the thing about Florida, Alabama, and Georgia: more than half of the people who will vote for the Republicans no matter who is running are the working class heroes that anarchist musicians love to sing about and then love to hate come November. They are the trailer-living, gun toting, beer drinking rednecks who would hang up on any pollster in the world. But they'll show up tomorrow, and Wolf Blitzer and Anderson "The Grease" Cooper will shake their heads in sadness, and swear blue streaks on and off of cats when commercial breaks come. 

Come 12 am on Nov. 5th, we'll be no closer to a result. This one will take days, more likely weeks. The battle will start in the courts, and we'll see how it goes from there. It will be quite interesting to see how Charlie Crist (FL governor), a democrat, will react when his sponsor John McCain (they have a long track record together) and his party's nominee are both fighting over his state's votes. It'll be a very amusing couple of weeks

N.B. I have made at least two dozen controversial claims unfounded on any sort of real data except my own, limited experience. Most of this is sheer conjecture. But I do really think it's what will happen. May God, as Pastor Wilson said this Sunday, give us mercy and not justice. 

I was rugbified

Yep. And it was amazing. On this past Saturday a great tradition continued with the annual Pumpkin Rugby game between the House of Blaine (with the notable assistance of The Drones Club) and the House of Ana. It was a beautiful day for a match. The sky glowered on us with great grey clouds, fat with rain. A light drizzle added to the bite of the wind, yet we heeded not more than to laugh a little and cry out yet harder. The white-clad men of Blaine lined up, 5 paces from the first pumpkin, and 10 from the black rogues of Ana. It was a beautiful match. Tough were the men, loud was the cheering, and many were the pumpkins that were smashed into pieces. Not a man went home unscathed, though some left more on the field than others. Nate Douglas, one of the glorious captains of the House of Blaine, dislocated his right thumb, while Russell Woods, who allied with the House of Ana, was mildly concussed (by a knee from Pat Swanson and, if you happen to know him, you'll know how much of a miracle it was that it was only a mild concussing that happened in that ruck). Jonathan Heslep had a most impressive bloody nose, many people were scratched, scraped, etc. I myself got cleated in the back of the head. And I was also one of the few who were fallen on by Tyler Antkowiak, and if you've seen Antowiak you know how significant that is. My ribs are rather sore. In the end, it was a victory for Blaine, something like 8 to 3, though I'm by no means certain of the exact score. Rugby is an exceptionally manly sport. To be a great rugby player you have to have strength, mass, speed, and skill. Unlike football, there is less organization and more of an honor system involved. You don't see guys standing with their hands in the air in football. Anyhow, all of this to say, come Spring, when the world starts to poke its head out into the new lights, when everything starts becoming green, don't be surprised if there aren't a few Freshmen walking around with massive bruises, bloodied clothes, and generally looking sore. St. Andy's just might be starting back up. 


Friday, October 31, 2008

The Dane Ultimatum

This is an ultimatum to Dane (Swede), not a "Dane Ultimatum". If you are reading this (and especially if you are not), please post to the blog in one week or you will be booted off.

Effective: Friday November 7, 2008 12:01 AM PST

Monday, October 27, 2008

I am in da haus, jah?

Below are four videos from the YouTube. If you're an acquaintance of mine or Rob's, odds are you've heard phrases from any or all of these thrown around some. If, Lord help you, you're a friend of either of us, you just thought we were overusing our own wit. Little did you know we're not even that clever, we just were quoting someone else's humor. So, there's one video below from the film Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Are Dead, and three from the same series of Volkswagen commercials. Oh, and those commercials will probably change your life. Just so you know . . .

Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Are Dead - The Questions Game




Volkswagen Golf GTi-Mk5: Commercial 1


Volkswagen Golf GTi-Mk5: Commercial 2


Volkswagen Golf GTi-Mk5: Commercial 3

I dip my big toe in the dungpit that is the 2008 election

Alright people. Open poll. Put in the comments who you will try to make the most powerful person in the world come November 4 and why.*

If you feel like it, try to convince me to agree with you. I'll be voting in what is arguably the biggest swing state in the country, the Sunshine State of Florida itself. I'm also trying to figure out whether I'm going to write in "No" for President (as the right Reverend Rob Hadding is doing), or "Stephen Colbert" (for reasons that should be easily visible - namely, the sheer beauty of voting for Colbert).

Oh, and if your name is Trey (or even if it isn't), feel free to rant and rave about whom you hate the most in this election. Just attempt to avoid profanity/obscenity as much as possible.

*NB - I don't actually think that the President of the United States is the most powerful man in the world, but he's close enough. Search out your beef with me elsewhere.

We sorry.

Yeah, it's been a week since any post on the blog. If you can even call that last thing I did a post. We're sorry. I could go into great detail, telling you of the 300 pages we had to read in two days, not to mention the whole book of Genesis, and then describe some Latin quizzes, hard grammar, Math proofs, and such, but I won't. We'll be back with more fairly shortly. We've been busy, and there's plenty of post material churning around in our minds.

Rob is fixin' to be in open rebellion against Wendell Berry

I must apologize to all those who (like me) have a deep respect for the poet, essayist, and farmer Wendell Berry. If you've read "Sex, Economy, Freedom & Community" you'll likely be aware that Wendell Berry has a deep suspicion of  technological things which attempt to replace things that come from the good tilled earth. As his main example of this, he says that people tell him that in the near future a device will appear that can display newspapers, magazines, and books, and will eventually replace paper-bound books.

As it turns out, whoever told him this is right. There may be others but the "E-book reader" that caught my attention was "Kindle"; the reader created by Amazon.com. This is a 10.3 ounce rectangular device that can hold up to 300 books, newspapers, and magazines (with a slot for an SD card that would greatly increase its capacity).

In the past I haven't been a fan of e-books because I just don't want to read off of a screen - it tires my eyes. However, Amazon.com claims that their screen uses a special E-ink display that uses no backlighting and looks very similar to ink on a page. In addition, since it's not backlit it is just as easy to read outside in bright sunlight as it is inside.

This isn't even what really excites me. What really excites me is how cheap some of the books are on Kindle. I could buy the "Complete Works of Shakespeare" for about 5 $. "The Landmark Thucydides", a book which I will be required to read next year is just 10$. The savings vary but just about all Kindle versions of a book are cheaper than their print versions. Theoretically, the device could pay for itself.

Even though there are many benefits to using this format for reading, I don't think printed books are going to be disappearing just yet. People still like to display their books (and smell them) and I don't think this desire is going to go away with this technology. In any case, I know Wendell Berry won't be getting one (and that's fine with me).

Meanwhile, this is all I'm going to be asking for Christmas.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I am probably being immature, but . . .

The stock market makes me laugh. 

The Dow Jones over the last few days:
Friday: -200 pts. 
Monday: +400 pts. 
Tuesday: -275 pts.
So far today (by 11:30 AM EST): -297 pts. 

Can anybody give me a reason not to laugh at this? I'm kind of looking for one because nobody seems to be laughing. But honestly. 

Monday, October 13, 2008

"My unnerwear is sticking to me"



Ben, then 3 (now 10), at a Braves baseball game.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Finals at NSA

Finals for the Jerusalem term at NSA are almost over. Pretty soon the only thing we'll have to remember them by is our memories, a few grades, and some wacky pictures. I'm not exactly sure what it is, but it seems like study materials have a tendency to end up in weird places when NSA students use them.

This, ladies and gentlemen is why God made camera phones:

I am Young

I've had these thoughts running through my head for a couple weeks now, and I actually scribbled a little of the last part on the back of my lordship notes. Anyhow, no further adoing. 


Youth


I wonder what it is like to be old and white-whiskered,

For as yet I am young, and wisdom 

Laughs merrily at me from afar as I chase her, 

Ever-stumbling. 


My life is but new-started, 

My days are few, fresh, and hope-full. 

Yet my nights are heavy with thoughts and people and 

Times remembered. 


What will it be to remember even more?

And then my friends not gone away but  

Gone, their laughter forgotten from the world, 

Their song silenced. 


Nevermore, quoth the raven, and nevermore will 

The things I remember exist again, and time 

Will come when no one remembers 

Except me. 


For in remembrance a person lives, somehow, 

And the only true death in this world, as 

The Greek said, was being finally and utterly 

Forgotten. 


The song of our youth will be silenced soon 

Nevermore to be sung again, 

Nor shall there be any who remember the 

Glory of its joy. 


Joy we feel in life, in the blood that 

Pounds in our veins, joy in love, hoped 

And yet unseen. Joy in life yet unlived, joy in  

Joys yet untasted.


And behind it all we wonder, sadly. 

When will it end, when our friends will go, 

When our love will be parted, when our joys are all 

Remembered?


Of a time, I sit and think. 

And when I do, I think mostly tragic thoughts

For life is so here, so present, so much around and in me 

I can’t imagine less before than behind.


Laughing is enough sometimes when thinking of life’s vanity, 

Yet tears seem more appropriate when I 

Think about life, and about death, and how much of 

Each is in each. 


Life is full of death, ours and others and 

Ours in others, and death, we know, is naught 

But renewed, reinvigorated, reborn life 

Age after age. 


And so we cannot but sing, laugh, dance, and drink, 

We cannot but joy in Christ. For we remember, 

Though not with our eyes, when He was us and died, 

When we were Christ (though not yet) and lived. 


Let us feast like lunatics, rejoice like imbeciles, 

Dance like madmen, and love idiotically all the days of our vanity. 

For we are drunk on the wine of life – 

We are young. 


Tuesday, October 7, 2008

I find their perseverance inspiring

The Somali pirates are, a full week later, still in possession of the Ukrainian weapons freighter. Despite the best efforts of the American and Russian navies, they're still negotiating with whomever it is that owns all of the cargo. And from what I hear, they want more than 30 million. That's right. They are getting at least 10 million big ones more than they started out at. That's called aggressive bargaining. Or they just pointed out that the dollar is worth less this week than last week. I'm telling you, you just can't make this stuff up. I dare you to even try. 

For your further amusement: 

http://afp.google.com/article/ALeqM5iIJxAamZcHRiTMK-42nPDj-GO2zQ

Favorite phrase from this article: "both sides are definitely ready to talk amicably." Really? I'm no psychologist, but I'm guessing that the last thing on the minds of those Ukrainian arms dealers is amicability.

Green Day!!!


The astute picture-viewer may notice that my bed is not made. Who cares? The "unmadeness" of my bed goes well with the Green Day poster I got today. Take a look at this and tell me that it is not wicked cool. You can't can you? I didn't think you'd be able to.

Monday, October 6, 2008

I was convicted

So on Sunday I was sitting in church (go figure). Come time to pass the sacrament, Pastor Wilson gave his weekly exhortation. It was incredible. We've been discussing Augustine and Calvin in Lordship and how we as Christians not so much as partake in Christ as be Christ. We die when Christ dies, we live when He lives. By His humility we are exalted, in His defeat of death we are victors. And then this little minute talk by Pastor Wilson synthesized these thoughts and practically applied them in a way that convicts me more every time I read it. God help me to be consumed as I have consumed.

Exactly So

Last week we considered the truth that we do more than consume in this meal—we are consumed as well. If the entire congregation is the loaf, as St. Paul plainly teaches, then we are—all of us—both eating and being eaten. We consume and are consumed.

Christ gives Himself to us, certainly. But we also surrender ourselves to Him in this partaking. The head of the body communicates, just as the body does. And as each part of the body eats, so each part of the body is eaten. My life for yours.

This sounds noble, and quite lovely, in this context. We are all seated in church, the bread and wine are on the table, and we have just finished worshipping the Lord. But this reality, this table, governs the next six days, and it does not leave any spaces. My life for yours feels quite different when the kids are tearing off in six different directions, when your business partner is being difficult, when an old friend appears to be losing it, when someone in the church badmouths you, when you can’t get all your work done and others aren’t helping, and when you feel misunderstood by everybody.

When such moments come—and there will likely be a number of them in the next six days—you will feel like you are being consumed. But then you should think to yourself, "ah, exactly so. I offered myself for that, just this last Sunday."

Sunday, October 5, 2008

I philosophize

Sadly, this is so, so, so very accurate.

I particularly enjoy the Germans' respective objections to the final goal. Brilliant. Or, as someone in our class would say, "Brilliant, Mr. Python, brilliant."

Friday, October 3, 2008

You have the thanks of a grateful blog

So, the word is out - we are awesome. That's right, we polled our vast readership and this is the result we obtained - Six people admitted that they read us because of our sheer awesomeness ("you guys are just awesome"). That really makes us feel good. True, probably about half the people polled are related to one of us, but we appreciate the feedback anyway.

Don't worry about us; we won't let it go to our heads.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

First NSA Final

Well, that was my first Final exam at NSA - Rhetoric 101. I suppose that could have been more painful. I'm going to decide just how painful that was after I get the grade back. Anyway, I'm still alive; tired, but still alive. I'll keep you updated on my vital signs as I get through this week. Prayers are always appreciated.

Blessings

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

I open the dam on Top 10 lists

Last night our good friend Jeremy Soder purchased a 1950's era portable turntable record player with built in sound system from the Salvation Army. It's amazing. We immediately went to Bookpeoples in downtown Moscow and purchased the following LPs: "Flight of the Valkyrie," "Beethoven's 9th," some 80s pop music which is really cool, "Eagles: Their Greatest Hits 1971-1975," and "Saturday Night Fever - The Soundtrack." Yes, we listened to Stayin Alive on vinyl. It was amazing, and we discoed in their apartment. I also found a copy of the original Orson Welles broadcast of War of the Worlds on two LPs. For 8 of the hardest earned. It was phenomenal. Anyhow, here's my top 10 list of records that will sound better on vinyl than on CD. I'll be following this up with a post on why I think vinyl is coming back because of the sterility of digital music, but that'll be later. After my rhetoric final. So, here goes.


Top 10: Albums That Will Sound Better On Vinyl Than On CD

10. The Way It Is, Bruce Hornsby and the Range

Why:
The classic, mellow sound of this album has always moved me to tears, and the turntable sound accentuates the soulful. Hornsby's piano is among the greatest in modern rock (Elton John and Stevie Wonder being obvious contenders) and the echoes of records will complement his sound.

Key Tracks: On The Western Skyline - "I'm staring into the twilight" enough said. Every Little Kiss - The chips of vinyl on top of those haunting melodies? Perfect.

9. Come On Feel The Illinoise!, Sufjan Stevens

Why:
Sufjan's so ridiculously indie that the grit of the turntable can't help but add character to an album already exploding with it.

Key Track: Casimir Pulaski Day - Turntable grit/static combined with "And He takes and He takes and He takes . . . "



8. In Rainbows, Radiohead


Why:
When I first downloaded this album, I had it in 192 kbps MP3, which if you know, is not great quality. Then I burned it onto an old blank CD I had lying around, and the next morning at 5 am I played it on an old walkman which then went through a banged up FM transmitter to an already static-filled frequency. The result - magic.

Key Track: Reckoner

7. Narrow Stairs, Death Cab for Cutie

Why: This album is definitely not my favorite Death Cab. Plans took them a long way from the genius of their indie selves, but this is a step in the right direction. You can tell because it will sound better on vinyl. Plans is to poppy, too crisp to work on record, but songs like Bigsby Canyon Bridge and I Will Possess Your Heart beg for the care of the needle.

Key Tracks: No Sunlight, Grapevine Fires

6. Give Up, The Postal Service

Why:
Despite the inclusion of yet another Gibbard project on the list, there's a reason he releases on Barsuk LPs. The echoes and subtle beats of such classics as Nothing Better, Clark Gable, and District Sleeps Alone Tonight promise great things on the turntable.

Key Track: We Will Become Silhouettes - the echoes and chips of a record on this already haunting track? This track was created for vinyl.

5. Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, The Flaming Lips

Why:
My main reason for the presence of this album, which I've listened to very little of, is also the key track. Do You Realize?? is an amazing song for its life, exuberance, and existential contrast. Throw it on the table and let the magic happen.

Key Track: Do You Realize??



4. Speak for Yourself, Imogen Heap

Why:
I mainly want to hear the purist sounds of Imogen Heap, so painstakingly produced with various random "instruments;" beer bottles, cardboard tubes, etc., put through a record player. Just to see what the chimes of Say Goodnight and Go sound like after the vinyl rebirth.

Key Track: Just For Now - in case that song didn't have enough awesomeness going on already, let's add yet another dimension to the sound.

3. Viva La Vida, Coldplay

Why:
Surely the most existential album of Coldplay's history, Viva La Vida was, the dust jacket tells us, recorded in such places as a church, a bakery, and a monastery. The beat of Lost, and the soaring life that is the guitar solo in the second half of Yes, these are things that need a needle to give them life.

Key Tracks: Strawberry Swing - the beginning of this song already sounds like it's coming out of an old jukebox, so let's go all the way and see what happens! Death and All His Friends - "No I don't want a battle from beginning to end. . . " to the fade back into Life in Technicolor's theme, this will blow our minds. I can't wait.

2. Takk, Sigur Ros

Why:
An Icelandic guy singing to us in a language which sounds like that of the angels while someone behind him plays an electric guitar with a cello bow. Throw in soaring, heart-rending melodies, drops in tempo that explode again in renewed life, and you've found yourself one heck of an artist. Welcome to the wonderful world of Sigur Ros.

Key Track: Hoppipolla - When I think about the glorious shift in this song near the middle into that exuberant crash, I think of the resurrection of Christ. Listening to it on vinyl would be the difference between listening to your 3rd grade sunday school teacher tell you the story and reading the Scripture. We may never feel the same about Sigur Ros on digital again.

1. Transatlanticism, Death Cab for Cutie

Why:
This is probably my favorite album of all time, so it's a shoe-in for number one on any list. But I fought this urge until, 10 seconds later, I realized how perfect it is. Transatlanticism is an album about distance. It's the story of two lovers seperated by the Atlantic and the effect this has on their love. From the first time you hear the clacking of rails in New Year to the final note of Lack of Color, Transatlanticism is a triumphant, Kierkegaardian treatise on distance in a relationship. Vinyl has the unique quality of adding a different level of distance. Digital music puts the sound right on us, in our ears, rather than removing it to the appropriate place. This record will be amazing.

Key Tracks: We Looked Like Giants, New Year - "God bless the day light, the sugary smell of springtime" and "explosions off in the distance, in the distance" under the needle. Sublime.