I got crucified in ashes.

So tonight I went to my first Ash Wednesday service ever. Some people may wonder how this could possibly be the case. To them I say, visit a Southern Baptist church and you will begin to realize. We are really good at emptying bathwater, and especially good at the accompanying activity of baby-chucking. 

Anyhow, for you all tonight on this Ash Wednesday, I present a multivarious fare of life lessons and observations from the past weeks. 

1. I miss seeing news footage of Mardi Gras in Mobile, especially the mug shots. 

2. This shouldn't make me laugh, but oh how it does!  

3. Sir Joshua Reynolds, master British painter and President of the Royal Academy, writes the following: One advantage, I will venture to affirm, we shall have in our Academy, which no other nation can boast. We shall have nothing to unlearn. (Discourses on Art, Discourse 1) And that makes me smirk the wise, knowing smirk of one who knows something the speaker doesn't. 

4. My favorite two commonplaces from week-before-last:

Swede: The [Lordship] quiz is so simple and my mind is just so complex!

Swede: The lordship quiz is like coming in here with all your armor on and ... well ... 

Claire: You realize it's a sumo wrestling match. 

5. Well, now, who'd have thought?  The funniest thing is that you can hear the indignation in the cracking of their voice. 

6. This may become the goriest action movie ever made.

7. I don't even believe this mess. For crying out loud.

8. You know you've been doing too much school work and too little sleeping when you start responding to people in Latin, only stopping when you realize that you don't know the word for narrative. This is, of course, a purely hypothetical situation. 

9. I found this very interesting. 

       Gen. 3:7 (ESV) Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. 

      Matt. 21:18-22 (ESV) In the morning, as he was returning to the city, he became hungry. And seeing a fig tree by the wayside, he went to it and found nothing on it but only leaves. And he said to it, "May no fruit ever come from you again!" And the fig tree withered at once. 

      Matt. 25:41-46 (ESV) Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me no food ... and these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life."

10. I'm just glad that the little sidebar of followers now calls itself Google Friend Connect. Otherwise, who knows how I might try to connect with them. 

11. Ladies and Gentlemen, I announce, with great trepidity and hopeful expectation, the appearance of an incredible blog. Behold the Jons.

12. A quick little free-verse I jotted down at some point during week-before-last's Disputatio. Not good but begins to get my point across:

sprinting with a leather bag

slosh-burned

two til and sprinting past waiting hatchbacks

a dollar lighter

but it's this heavy water 

gives me wings. 

Thank God for Americano Fridays. 

I give some props

The esteemed Tyler Antkowiak has written a short story. There's two or three instances of mild  profanity, so if you feel up to it, read it here. 

Did I mention that it was incredible? Oh yeah . . . so, it's incredible. Wonderful storytelling, and an awesome idea for a story (props for that to Ty's little sister). The way he tells the story, especially at the beginning, makes you identify with the narrator and makes the story much more intense and effective. Enjoy. 

I Take an Open Poll

Go to the comments, and tell us your favorite movie of all time. If you can't pick one, pick three. That's all. In 48 hours or so, the three of us (right Swede?) will post our top one or three. The 6 or 7 most common movies will get put in that snazzy little sidebar poll thing, and so we will determine the movie most loved by the readership, so then we can bash it more than the rest, and so further alienate the people we enjoy.  Sounds like fun, eh? 

No but seriously, I think I'll do this once a year or so and then we can see if our overall tastes change. Also, we get to make fun of each other for our favorite movies. It will be amazing! 

I got tagged

Okay, so, a while back, Faith of Viva la Vida fame tagged me on her blog. Here's the rules: you list six random things about you, you call out six people you know to do the same. And the unwritten rule is, of course, unlike chain emails, if you don't do it you're sorta the tacky guy on the block. And I ain't that guy. So here it is.

1. I could not stand pizza until the summer after I turned 15. Until this year I hated spaghetti and lasagna. I've never been able to comprehend people's desire for guacamole.

2. I love vinyl records. Rob and I collectively own almost thirty LPs, and they are the way of the future. That's right, the future.

3. Rob and I have a running dare that we won't turn on the heat in our apartment. He said "So when are we gonna turn the heat on?" I responded, "whenever you get cold." He then said: "I can last as long as you can." To which my obvious response was, "and I can last longer than you, so I guess we're good."

4. I have an unreasonable, unpredictable, and totally irrational love for the band Journey.

5. Until this past August, when I moved into the apartment, I've never had my own room. I always shared one with my two younger brothers or sister (at least, as long as I can remember). And, perhaps even weirder, (unless you know my brothers, both the painfully cool Kanaan/Mark and the tragically hip Khristian/whatever annoying name I can come up with) I enjoyed it immensely. I think I'll make my children do the same.

6. My grandaddy makes the best BBQ in the world, and my grandmother makes the best fried chicken. This is the grandaddy who dipped my pacifier in Dr. Pepper when I was but a tyke. I also vividly remember the two times in my life that they have not had DP in their fridge. Those were tragic days.

Okay, so that's it. You now know 6 extremely random yet important factors in my life. I think my favorite part of this list is the descriptors of my brothers. You can commonplace me if you'd like. (sarcasm alert - I really don't think you should, it's not all that great) The beauty of it is, if you know my brothers you know how very, very true those words are. Kanaan is (at least to my nerdy self) always cool, often painfully cool. And Khristian, well, he's just always tragically hip. And yes, you can say that your grandmother or mother or cousin Suzie makes better fried chicken than my grandmother. Just know, deep down in your heart of hearts, that you're wrong. Really, objectively, utterly wrong.

Oh yeah, six people. Hmm. Most people I know that read this blog don't have one. But, all the same, here goes. You guys can post your six in the comments section. And make it interesting, people. Surprise me (Trey, not too much). That said, if you refuse, I'll understand, I'll just call you girl names for the rest of the time I know you (except for Antkowiak - I won't do a thing except ask why, and then in a completely non-aggressive tone of voice).

Bobby Lee, Trey, Will Hughes, Mark (yeah, you Kano), Jeremy Sauder, Tyler Antkowiak.

I make a promise

Alright folks, it's coming up. Our blog scores the big 1000 hits mark. That's right, people have looked in on this all-too-beautiful page 1000 times. So here's the deal. You scroll to the bottom of the page. If you see a golden 1000 staring back at you (or just a gray one - whatever) take a screen shot of it and email it to me or Rob, or let us know in the comments section. But you'd better have proof! (Or be able to swear on your mother's grave and all such and sundry) 

If you are that lucky person, you have two choices. If you're in Moscow, I will buy you a cookie at Wheatberries. Or a foccacia pizza. Whichever you want. If you're in Pensacola/Milton, I will buy you a doughnut at Milton Bakery come Christmastide. If you fit in neither category: first of all who are you, and second of all, you can ask any of us you would like to write on whatever you would like. 

Should nobody catch the magic 1000 (if somebody gets it and doesn't know, or doesn't let us know) and you see 1001, grab it. The nearest person (after 1000, no 999 business) will get the prize in their stead. Alright people. Watch and wait. And keep hitting that refresh button.

I am suspicious of backpacking

Because Rob and Dane posted their Rhetoric declamations, and mine amused me when I wrote it, I will post mine as well. So, here goes. 

        Mr. Timothy Clemans asserts that “everyone should experience the joys and benefits of backpacking.” The heart of my disagreement with him is this simple truth: not everyone should go backpacking. Sure, it’s great for your health to breathe the fresh clear air, spiced with a hint of moose dung, but what about the other side of this issue? Mr. Clemans’ logic, though full of examples, seems short on practical experience. A dozen people can’t walk through a forest, camp, and leave it better than they found it. It just won’t happen. National parks try to limit human impact on the environment, but with little success. In Glacier Bay National Park, Alaska, the National Park Service reports that nearly 10% of camping sites had severe vegetative damage, while 86% had significant human impact. Mr. Clemans himself told a story that demonstrates this. Once when backpacking, he frightened a bald eagle away from the salmon it had just caught. Though the subsequent meal, the experience, and the scenery were, I am sure, great for Mr. Clemans, the eagle was left without a meal. We can enjoy nature without destroying it by backpacking. 

        In addition, Mr. Clemans says in at least four different ways that camping miles away from civilization is therapeutic. Civilization, I would hasten to point out, includes toilets. If you’ve ever had to take care of business on a cold and wet mountain, you know that “therapeutic” is not the word to describe it. “Fun, physical, and rewarding pastime” indeed. 

I was rugbified

Yep. And it was amazing. On this past Saturday a great tradition continued with the annual Pumpkin Rugby game between the House of Blaine (with the notable assistance of The Drones Club) and the House of Ana. It was a beautiful day for a match. The sky glowered on us with great grey clouds, fat with rain. A light drizzle added to the bite of the wind, yet we heeded not more than to laugh a little and cry out yet harder. The white-clad men of Blaine lined up, 5 paces from the first pumpkin, and 10 from the black rogues of Ana. It was a beautiful match. Tough were the men, loud was the cheering, and many were the pumpkins that were smashed into pieces. Not a man went home unscathed, though some left more on the field than others. Nate Douglas, one of the glorious captains of the House of Blaine, dislocated his right thumb, while Russell Woods, who allied with the House of Ana, was mildly concussed (by a knee from Pat Swanson and, if you happen to know him, you'll know how much of a miracle it was that it was only a mild concussing that happened in that ruck). Jonathan Heslep had a most impressive bloody nose, many people were scratched, scraped, etc. I myself got cleated in the back of the head. And I was also one of the few who were fallen on by Tyler Antkowiak, and if you've seen Antowiak you know how significant that is. My ribs are rather sore. In the end, it was a victory for Blaine, something like 8 to 3, though I'm by no means certain of the exact score. Rugby is an exceptionally manly sport. To be a great rugby player you have to have strength, mass, speed, and skill. Unlike football, there is less organization and more of an honor system involved. You don't see guys standing with their hands in the air in football. Anyhow, all of this to say, come Spring, when the world starts to poke its head out into the new lights, when everything starts becoming green, don't be surprised if there aren't a few Freshmen walking around with massive bruises, bloodied clothes, and generally looking sore. St. Andy's just might be starting back up. 

Check out some of the pictures on Erin's fine blog. 

I am in da haus, jah?

Below are four videos from the YouTube. If you're an acquaintance of mine or Rob's, odds are you've heard phrases from any or all of these thrown around some. If, Lord help you, you're a friend of either of us, you just thought we were overusing our own wit. Little did you know we're not even that clever, we just were quoting someone else's humor. So, there's one video below from the film Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Are Dead, and three from the same series of Volkswagen commercials. Oh, and those commercials will probably change your life. Just so you know . . .

Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Are Dead - The Questions Game



Volkswagen Golf GTi-Mk5: Commercial 1


Volkswagen Golf GTi-Mk5: Commercial 2


Volkswagen Golf GTi-Mk5: Commercial 3