I, like Big T, have a wise younger sister.

As has already been said by better men than I, my sister is smarter than me. And sweeter. Which, if you know me, you know isn't that hard, and if you know my sister, you know how much of an understatement that is.

Don't forget that sleep is not a sin. Please get some rest.

(from an email)

I know what is.

Mongol General:  Hao! Dai ye! We won again! This is good, but what is best in life? 

Mongol: The open steppe, fleet horse, falcons at your wrist, and the wind in your hair. 

Mongol General:  Wrong! Conan! What is best in life? 

Conan: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women. 

Mongol General:  That is good! That is good. 

This makes me laugh to nearly no end. 

When exiting a restaurant

Let us suppose (for the sake of argument) that you have just had a nice supper at a sit-down restaurant. You are just leaving and one of their helpers holds the door open and says:
"Thank you for coming. Have a nice night."
The usual response is something like "Thanks, you too."
Oh, that's sweet. But it's really boring.

Here is just one way to spice it up- respond with "Thank you. Uh, Sorry about the mess." The poor man will be flabbergasted. When he asks, "what mess?" just answer "You'll see."

The trick is to be very vague. Don't give any details like in the bathroom, underneath my table, in my napkin, on the floor etc. Leave it completely open to his imagination. He may even abandon his post at the door and go looking for this elusive mess. It's pretty ironical, because he's the only mess you've left.

Try it. They love it.

Something very profound - Wait for it, Wait for it

I would like to say something very profound to you today. I had something prepared for this occasion but it was lost. Alas, I am absent-minded.

Instead I'm going to tell you about how Mr. Monty Python made his own special channel on youtube. So I will. Did you know that there is now a Monty Python channel on the UK YouTube? Well, now you do.

Check this out: