Saturday, May 1, 2010
I am apparently unable to talk about anything other than dirt.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
I make irrelevant comments because it's late.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
The 100th issueversary- The Anemic Muskrat
There was once a very scared muskrat. He didn't have any particular reason to be scared, except that a voracious dog was chasing him. The poor anemic thing. That's right, the muskrat is anemic. Is there no justice in the world? Not that we should blame the dog either; he was hungry (and anorexic). When seeing the muskrat the dog couldn't help but defecate. . . uh, I mean salivate. So, the dog was chasing the poor muskrat all around in circles and the muskrat became all lightheaded (because he's anemic) and fainted. Well, this didn't please the dog. He was hungry, but not hungry enough to eat something that had fainted. You see, the dog always did this. He was always making excuses for not eating something. So, he just returned to his own vomit, I mean kennel. The muskrat lived to bleed another day.
Moral: Better look before you read next time. Ha Ha Ha!
I am 80 hours and 41 minutes from home
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
I name the Top 10 Weapons in Movies
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
So did I
Here goes:
1. When I was a baby I could spin a pacifier around like a propeller (really freaking out, and amusing nursery attendants). I could be a 1000 dollarionaire if my parents had just taped it and sent it to AFV. Some other kid won 1st prize for that stunt recently, and he had half of my spinning talent.
2. I was mock held-up in Paris with a banana. By a very drunk man who thought it was hilarious (but I really wasn't in the mood)
3. I am ridiculously affected by smacking.
4. I analyze things to a ridiculous extent.
5. I like doing voice impressions and fake accents.
6. I used to be called Robbie (until about the 7th grade).
Alright, I tag: MPK, Hannah Noland, My dad, Winston Kimmel, Tyler Knight, Justin Hughes (even though he never reads this and would probably not participate if he did). If you are not one of those people and you were not tagged by Kaleb, go ahead and do your own and pretend like I tagged you.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
I got tagged
2. I love vinyl records. Rob and I collectively own almost thirty LPs, and they are the way of the future. That's right, the future.
3. Rob and I have a running dare that we won't turn on the heat in our apartment. He said "So when are we gonna turn the heat on?" I responded, "whenever you get cold." He then said: "I can last as long as you can." To which my obvious response was, "and I can last longer than you, so I guess we're good."
4. I have an unreasonable, unpredictable, and totally irrational love for the band Journey.
5. Until this past August, when I moved into the apartment, I've never had my own room. I always shared one with my two younger brothers or sister (at least, as long as I can remember). And, perhaps even weirder, (unless you know my brothers, both the painfully cool Kanaan/Mark and the tragically hip Khristian/whatever annoying name I can come up with) I enjoyed it immensely. I think I'll make my children do the same.
6. My grandaddy makes the best BBQ in the world, and my grandmother makes the best fried chicken. This is the grandaddy who dipped my pacifier in Dr. Pepper when I was but a tyke. I also vividly remember the two times in my life that they have not had DP in their fridge. Those were tragic days.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
I am suspicious of backpacking
Mr. Timothy Clemans asserts that “everyone should experience the joys and benefits of backpacking.” The heart of my disagreement with him is this simple truth: not everyone should go backpacking. Sure, it’s great for your health to breathe the fresh clear air, spiced with a hint of moose dung, but what about the other side of this issue? Mr. Clemans’ logic, though full of examples, seems short on practical experience. A dozen people can’t walk through a forest, camp, and leave it better than they found it. It just won’t happen. National parks try to limit human impact on the environment, but with little success. In Glacier Bay National Park, Alaska, the National Park Service reports that nearly 10% of camping sites had severe vegetative damage, while 86% had significant human impact. Mr. Clemans himself told a story that demonstrates this. Once when backpacking, he frightened a bald eagle away from the salmon it had just caught. Though the subsequent meal, the experience, and the scenery were, I am sure, great for Mr. Clemans, the eagle was left without a meal. We can enjoy nature without destroying it by backpacking.
In addition, Mr. Clemans says in at least four different ways that camping miles away from civilization is therapeutic. Civilization, I would hasten to point out, includes toilets. If you’ve ever had to take care of business on a cold and wet mountain, you know that “therapeutic” is not the word to describe it. “Fun, physical, and rewarding pastime” indeed.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Dreadlocks
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
I am probably being immature, but . . .
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
I find their perseverance inspiring
The Somali pirates are, a full week later, still in possession of the Ukrainian weapons freighter. Despite the best efforts of the American and Russian navies, they're still negotiating with whomever it is that owns all of the cargo. And from what I hear, they want more than 30 million. That's right. They are getting at least 10 million big ones more than they started out at. That's called aggressive bargaining. Or they just pointed out that the dollar is worth less this week than last week. I'm telling you, you just can't make this stuff up. I dare you to even try.
For your further amusement:
http://afp.google.com/article/ALeqM5iIJxAamZcHRiTMK-42nPDj-GO2zQ
Favorite phrase from this article: "both sides are definitely ready to talk amicably." Really? I'm no psychologist, but I'm guessing that the last thing on the minds of those Ukrainian arms dealers is amicability.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
I am amazed
Sunday, September 28, 2008
I think this is quite appropriate
Props to http://faithandinches.wordpress.com/ Taken in JFK airport, of all places. Those Yankees get some things right, don't they? Hope for everybody, I suppose.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
I'm telling you to wait, because this gets amazing
So. Recently I've been surfing the internets trying to find the company that publishes a book I have to cite in my Rhetoric Term Paper. At said company's website, something in the lower left corner catches my eye. This is where it gets amazing. First, the title.
Black Belt Patriotism
Okay. What the heck? I'm speechless. Did someone let the 15 year old homeschooled boy try to write a book? What happened here?
Then I saw and understood the picture.
I don't know if you can tell, but that is, in fact, an American flag on his left sleeve. Priceless.Yes, folks, Walker Texas Ranger has finally told you how to be a patriot if you don't want yourself roundhoused. But what could such a fount of knowledge have to write about? Let's see the 5 issues which Chuck says are important enough that he had to write about them.
- Immigration and securing our borders
- Winning the culture war for the sake of our children,
- Triumphing in the war on terrorism
- Tackling fiscal irresponsibility—both in government and at home.
- Battling the problem of widespread obesity