Monday, August 24, 2009

My condition

I feel the need to explain some things about myself. Why, for example, I am not in choir (this should become plain). This is mainly for my friends here in Idaho, since most people who know me from back home know of my diagnosis. I'm not writing about it now because it's gotten worse, but only because I was reminded recently of how good God has been to me through it.

I have had a fair number of health problems. I started having migraines and chronic dizziness (all the time) when I was about 13. Before that, I had stomach trouble and had passed out a few times when I was forced to stand for a long time. I went to very many doctors and had myself tested for all sorts of diseases and abnormalities, etc. but they couldn't find anything wrong with me. Then, I found out that I had severe allergies and started to have allergy shots. These helped, but not as much as we would expect if all my problems were due to allergies. Then my allergist told me that he think I might have dysautonomia. He referred me to a doctor named Randy Thompson, who has dysautonomia himself. After looking at the list of symptoms for dysautonomia (specifically POTS) I was pretty sure before I even saw him that I had dysautonomia. The first thing he had me do was take a tilt table test. In a tilt table you get strapped to a bed that moves from supine to upright. They tested all sorts of things on me, but the whole time they took note of my blood pressure and my heart rate. When the bed went upright my heart rate went up, my blood pressure went way down (60/40), and I only stayed conscious for about 5 minutes. So, I tested positive.

Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) is defined by an increase of over 30 bpm from a supine to an upright position. It's basically a battle between the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems. When I stand up, the sympathetic nervous system raises my heart rate, and the parasympathetic lowers my blood pressure to counteract this. Since the two systems are at odds, my body isn't always able to attain homeostasis. The imbalance causes way more problems than you might think - headaches, dizziness, visual disturbances, anxiety, depression, syncope (fainting), and many more I don't care to mention. Some people can't even stand without fainting, they are often confined to wheelchairs. There is no cure for POTS.

Thankfully, my condition is mainly under control with medication and exercise. It used to be a lot worse, but through the grace of God I now know much of what I need to do (and not do) to make it better. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do when I'll have to be in the NSA choir. I know that I am not able to stand up for as long as I would have to. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

I would like more people to be aware of this disorder. It's often called an "invisible" ailment. Many people who have it are labeled hypochondriacs, lazy, or otherwise unstable because doctors aren't able to find what's wrong with them. Is it any wonder that so many are depressed? There are so many diseases, disorders, syndromes, etc. but I would appreciate prayer for those who are stricken with dysautonomia. Pray not necessarily for healing, but comfort. I was blessed with parents (and doctors to a large extent) who believed that I was telling the truth about what I was experiencing and were dedicated to finding the source. I wish that everyone had the same.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

What is happening to the church? U2charist?

I sometimes joke around that I have to be careful about leaving places, because bad things (or just things) happen while I'm gone. For example, I leave home for one week in the summer and my parents sell our car. I leave home for 3 months at college (up until fall break) and they change the wallpaper on the first set of stairs. I leave Moscow for the summer and the Bucer's "smoking room" is no longer a smoking room! You get the idea.

Now, I've only been gone two weeks and the First United Methodist Church of Pensacola does something crazy. And apparently they are not the first.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a huge U2 fan. It's almost ridiculous how much I like them. But the reason that I like their music is exactly because their music does not sound right as a praise chorus. The music was not designed for any kind of corporate worship - except if you can call a concert that (which you can't by the way, not even at a "Third Day" concert).

It's quite ironic that U2 songs are going to be sung in a church service. U2 is a very individualistic band when it comes to church affiliation. They intentionally separated themselves from the contemporary Christian scene, at a time when they would have gained lots of fans quickly from that medium. That's a very good thing, because that would have killed their music.

The PNJ says that the church will be singing "Beautiful day", "Where the Streets have no Name", "One", "With or Without You", and "Still haven't found what I'm looking for." One? That's a great song, but it's about breaking up (just ask Bono). If you are going to sing U2 songs in church, why not sing "40" or "Yahweh"?

And it's called a U2charist. That's catchy, but I don't approve of turning the Lord's Communion into a pun.

It's an interesting idea, but I get nervous anytime I hear of a novel idea for a worship service. And when I hear the idea I almost always think "what the heck are they thinking?" Here we go again.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Why am I here?

Last night I visited Aspen Medical Center with Ty, Kaleb, and Robert (Bobby Lee). Every Tuesday a few students try to get together to talk/sing to the residents of this nursing home and play Bingo with them. Last year (for various reasons) I was fairly sporadic about going to these. I'm going to try to be better this year about going to things like this because every time I do I am simultaneously sobered and blessed.
I walked around trying to engage in conversation with different residents. I found I struggled talking to them by myself (if you know me, you might be aware that I am not the greatest conversationalist; especially with people who have no interest in conversation). I saw my classmate Robin Bowe talking to a lady named Dorothy at the Bingo table, so I walked over and tried to see if I could add anything to the conversation. Dorothy was more sharp than many of the other residents. After a while though I could tell that something was wrong. After talking to us for a while she said "I don't know how I got here. I don't know how I ended up here." Robin tried to distract her by pretending to misunderstand her and said that, personally, she got there by car. I got there by bike, so I added this. The distraction worked for a while, we moved to another topic. 
Then she asked "why am I here?" I couldn't answer her, not what she's really asking. I am just 2o years old. So I said that we wonder the same thing about college. What did we get ourselves into? How did we end up so far from home? So that's what we talked about. It at least distracted her. If I were more on my feet, I could have given her a biblical exhortation and perhaps some comfort. Next time perhaps.
Please pray for Dorothy and all nursing home residents. In the same way she does not understand why she is in a nursing home, pray that she has a peace that she does not understand.