Retroactive "hypothetical donut" award

That's right folks. We've let the great 4000 pass us by. Even though we haven't posted in a fortnight, somehow you are still visiting us.

However, all is not lost. If you were paying really close attention (and were familiar with the rules of "Hypothetical Donut") then maybe you took a picture of it.

That would be awesome. If you did, then you get like two hypothetical donuts (because you've gone above and beyond the call of flabbergastetry).

Smacking (Why I hate it)

In the Oresteia when Clytemnestra binds her husband in his bathrobe and murders him, we hear Agamemnon say with great feeling (and pain): I am stabbed. I am stabbed again.” This signifies to the highly intelligent audience that Agamemnon has been murdered. Presumably, the audience knows, and can imagine for themselves what this looks like. It might have ruined their enjoyment of the play had they seen the actual pool of blood accumulate around his lifeless body, his bathrobe stained in his life’s juices, his faithless wife holding the knife that took his life. Such a spectacle is said to be “obscene”, or literally off-stage. It is off-stage because it is unseemly.
In the same way, when someone is chewing his food we know that the digestive juices are flowing. We realize that food is actually getting mixed with spit as it swishes around his mouth. However, we are not supposed to hear it. The smack as the wet food sloshes around the mouth is not a pleasant sound. Nor is it at all, appetizing to see the extremely unaesthetic state of his partially undigested food. Food in the mouth is always disgusting. It does not matter if it is the most exquisite entrée on the menu of West of Paris. And look, how beautiful it looks on the plate when it is served. In the mouth it will look like the same kind of mush that saltine crackers becomes, and I can guarantee it will make a similar noise.

Scariest word in the English language. . .

Oops [!]

Usually accompanied with an exclamation point when it is written,* "oops" has long been considered the scariest word in the English language. At just four letters it packs a mighty punch. Although, its true strength can only be measured by the context in which it is uttered, "oops" is never a good thing to hear.


Close cousins to oops [excluding vulgarities]:
Whoops
Whoopsies
Whoopsiedaisies
Crud bucket
Shucks
We're in a tight spot
Did I do that?


*Depending on the enormity of the disaster. If it's a fairly harmless mistake, such as when a few innocent hairs are plucked out of existence, then only one is necessary. However, if it is a disaster of nuclear proportions, two or even three exclamation points may be necessary to convey the utter badness of the situation.

What I don't understand (greatly abridged)

I don't understand:

1. Why it is suddenly snowing in Moscow. It's not strange for it to snow up here; it's just that it was showing signs of being a bit like Spring. Oh well, I've heard that the winter plays tricks on people.

2. Why I limp, and must now walk with a cane.


I'm a little more prone to complain (to God, not to you) about the second on this list, because it was completely unexpected and makes no sense to me at all. I want to ask, like Tevye in Fiddler On the Roof - "Dear God. Was that necessary?" It seems like a just question. I already went through this three years ago; during my junior year in high school I needed a cane to walk. I went through months of physical therapy to walk without it. Why, dear God, again?

But I already know the answer. I have it in 2 Corinthians. Paul asked the Lord to remove the thorn in his flesh, and He answered "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV).

So far from understanding why I have some malady that causes the limp, I don't even know what malady it is. Three years ago I went to every doctor that could possibly give an answer. I took tests confirming that I do not have Multiple Sclerosis, or Early Onset Parkinson's disease, or any of the other diseases that plagued those around me with worry. Thank God, I have none of those.

Here's what I do have:

1. A Loving family
2. A good church
3. A gracious God

Of course, I already knew this. There is no kind of confirmation though, like hardship. And it's enough to turn my complaining into sincere gratitude. Indeed, His grace is sufficient for me. Praise the Lord!

Favorite lyrics from U2's "No Line On the Horizon"

Yeah, I know I just posted on U2's new album but I've got to share some more of my favorite snippets of lyrics.

"Moment of Surrender": At the moment of surrender / Of vision over visibility / I did not notice the passers-by / And they did not notice me / I was speeding on the subway / Through the stations of the cross / Every eye looking every other way / Counted down ‘til the Pentecost /

"I'll Go Crazy if I don't Go Crazy Tonight": The right to appear ridiculous is something
I hold dear / Oh, but a change of heart comes slow / It’s not a hill, it’s a mountain / As you start out the climb / Listen for me, I’ll be shouting / We’re gonna make it all the way to the light

"Stand Up Comedy": The DNA lottery may have left you smart / But can you stand up to beauty, dictator of the heart / I can stand up for hope, faith, love / But while I’m getting over certainty / Stop helping God across the road like a little old lady / Out from under your beds / C’mon ye people / Stand up for your love / Love love love love love… / I gotta stand up to ego but my ego’s not really the enemy / It’s like a small child crossing an eight lane highway / On a voyage of discovery / Stand up to rock stars, Napolean is in high heels / Josephine, be careful of small men with big ideas

"White As Snow": Once I knew there was a love divine / Then came a time I thought it knew me not / Who can forgive forgiveness where forgiveness is not / Only the lamb as white as snow [. . .] As boys we would go hunting in the woods / To sleep the night shooting out the stars / Now the wolves are every passing stranger / Every face we cannot know / If only a heart could be as white as snow / If only a heart could be as white as snow

"Breathe": I’ve found grace inside a sound / I found grace, it’s all that I found / And I can breathe / Breathe now

"Cedars of Lebanon": The worst of us are a long drawn out confession / The best of us are geniuses of compression

You've got to hear this

Because this is "Magnificent": I was born to sing for you / I didn’t have a choice but to lift you up / And sing whatever song you wanted me to / I give you back my voice / From the womb my first cry, it was a joyful noise… Only love, only love can leave such a mark / But only love, only love can heal such a scar / Justified till we die, you and I will magnify / The Magnificent


Only U2 can pull off this kind of cultural subversion. At the end of this month they will go on tour, and they will sing this song. And tens of thousands of people will be singing these verses. And they will return to their cars, still singing the refrain. I think it will be glorious.


Perhaps the fools among them will think that this is just a normal love song. About just a normal, perishable lover who causes Bono to sing these words. It does work on this level.

Maybe they know that U2 is a christian band, but love the songs and are prepared to ignore the "religion." This is good music.

It really doesn't matter. The very stones themselves are crying out. Don't let them outdo us. Praise the LORD!

I wish you a happy holiday

Happy Casimir Pulaski Day. 

In other news, this should surprise anyone who has spent their entire lives locked in the storm cellar. As a side note, I just love it when the BBC gets all self-righteous on American news. It is really, truly amusing.

And the other breaking story in "New News," da Dow is doing not so good. 7000 is, apparently, the bottom of the bucket for stock markets. And Washington is giving another $30 billion imaginary dollars to AIG! Which also makes me laugh.

By the by, Slumdog Millionaire is incredible. Danny Boyle is among the greatest directors of all time. His ability to tell a story is simply unfathomable. I'll be posting a more substantive review soon.