You can hear the difference. . .

So, I am a big fan of Elton John. Here's a picture of him, to make sure that we are thinking of the same person:








Incidentally, I could have gone my whole life without seeing Elton John in a Donald Duck costume (and you could have too, had you not read this post). However, there is no going back; that time has past. We all have seen it, and it is time for us to just move on.

[The article I ripped this picture out of made me laugh. It's just talking about Elton John's latest trouble related to perversion, and then it includes that picture right in the middle like an illustration. There was no warning, nothing like "Speaking of Elton John, here he is playing the piano dressed as Donald Duck." It just pops it in and carries on as if nothing had happened. "Boom! Here he is!"]

Right, moving on. . . I was just comparing Elton John's song "Believe" with U2's "God Part 2." It's amazing to me that they can say essentially the same words "I believe in Love" and yet mean something completely different.

Elton John is essentially despairing with a smile on his face. Bernie Taupin writes "I believe in love/it's all we've got" and Elton John sees the tragedy. He puts it into a minor key. The kind of love that Elton John wants "don't mean a thing" (cf. "I want Love). This love can't be a reason for joy. It can't really be a reason for anything, if you aren't willing to give anything up for it.

U2 sings about a love that means everything. It's a powerful antidote to all the poisons of the world, and it is a perfect preamble to "Bullet the Blue Sky."

I got crucified in ashes.

So tonight I went to my first Ash Wednesday service ever. Some people may wonder how this could possibly be the case. To them I say, visit a Southern Baptist church and you will begin to realize. We are really good at emptying bathwater, and especially good at the accompanying activity of baby-chucking. 

Anyhow, for you all tonight on this Ash Wednesday, I present a multivarious fare of life lessons and observations from the past weeks. 

1. I miss seeing news footage of Mardi Gras in Mobile, especially the mug shots. 

2. This shouldn't make me laugh, but oh how it does!  

3. Sir Joshua Reynolds, master British painter and President of the Royal Academy, writes the following: One advantage, I will venture to affirm, we shall have in our Academy, which no other nation can boast. We shall have nothing to unlearn. (Discourses on Art, Discourse 1) And that makes me smirk the wise, knowing smirk of one who knows something the speaker doesn't. 

4. My favorite two commonplaces from week-before-last:

Swede: The [Lordship] quiz is so simple and my mind is just so complex!

Swede: The lordship quiz is like coming in here with all your armor on and ... well ... 

Claire: You realize it's a sumo wrestling match. 

5. Well, now, who'd have thought?  The funniest thing is that you can hear the indignation in the cracking of their voice. 

6. This may become the goriest action movie ever made.

7. I don't even believe this mess. For crying out loud.

8. You know you've been doing too much school work and too little sleeping when you start responding to people in Latin, only stopping when you realize that you don't know the word for narrative. This is, of course, a purely hypothetical situation. 

9. I found this very interesting. 

       Gen. 3:7 (ESV) Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. 

      Matt. 21:18-22 (ESV) In the morning, as he was returning to the city, he became hungry. And seeing a fig tree by the wayside, he went to it and found nothing on it but only leaves. And he said to it, "May no fruit ever come from you again!" And the fig tree withered at once. 

      Matt. 25:41-46 (ESV) Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me no food ... and these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life."

10. I'm just glad that the little sidebar of followers now calls itself Google Friend Connect. Otherwise, who knows how I might try to connect with them. 

11. Ladies and Gentlemen, I announce, with great trepidity and hopeful expectation, the appearance of an incredible blog. Behold the Jons.

12. A quick little free-verse I jotted down at some point during week-before-last's Disputatio. Not good but begins to get my point across:

sprinting with a leather bag

slosh-burned

two til and sprinting past waiting hatchbacks

a dollar lighter

but it's this heavy water 

gives me wings. 

Thank God for Americano Fridays. 

You might say I'm convinced. . .

About his posting. He hasn't convinced me that I should post that way, but he certainly can if he wants. That way, if he does talk about the death penalty he doesn't lump me in with him. Like he said, I am a little iffy about the death penalty (and he certainly isn't).

I've pretty much gone in a complete circle over the issue of capital punishment. Four years ago I probably would have been in favor of capital punishment for murder and treason. I was 16 and probably was just going along with conservative Christian bandwagon without giving it much thought.

Last year I would have been unequivocally against capital punishment. It is a merciless system, and to me it needs to be absolutely foolproof. We should never hear about someone convicted of a capital crime being acquitted on the basis of DNA evidence. That should not happen. It means we could have wrongfully put other people to death. Yes, the Old Testament mosaic law required capital punishment for a myriad of crimes. But that was a theocracy; and even then charges could only be upheld on the basis of two or three witnesses. I would have definitely told you that in our present situation, capital punishment just isn't justified.

Now, I don't know. I hear the arguments; theological, pragmatical, and otherwise. It is clearly mandated in mosaic law (and Kaleb could tell you a lot about that); penologists will tell you about the problems of recidivism; forensic psychologists will tell you that most murderers and rapists are psychopaths who are incurable and unable to re-enter society; etc. etc. And yet, I must say that it would take more than arguments alone to convince me. It isn't a logical problem I have with it. It is more like an emotional barrier.

I don't want to agree with implementing capital punishment. But I am starting to see the merit of capital punishment in clear cases of 1st degree murder. It would be stubborn for me to continue to insist that it isn't justice. And as much as I dislike America (and I do, I really do; it's an abomination), I will concede that treason is a legitimate capital crime.

I don't have the time (and you don't have the patience, I am sure) to go through all my problems with theonomy. I'll just say one thing. Theonomy sounds great at first - the Word of God is authoritative and should be carried out in all areas of both private and civil life. That isn't too hard to swallow, until you think about all the people we would have to put to death (the list is substantial).

I am just me

So. I start every post I write with "I . . . " followed by some action verb. Rob has indicated that this at times grates on his nerves, and asks me why I do it. Now I think this question answers itself, but I wanted to give a public defense of my habit because it says something about me and about how I blog. Here goes. 

Josh Gibbs' The Cedar Room influenced how I think about blogging more than I can really say (thus Rob's jab about copycat-etry). It was the first real blog I ever read, and I read it for nearly three years. It was cool, smart, well-written, and only rarely got above itself. Yet Josh always started his posts with the phrase "We are." At least, after he was married. Before that it was "I am." In a post I've long since lost track of, Josh talked about why he did this, and said that it reminded him of what he was supposed to be doing while typing away on the internets. 

I think this is very wise, and so I copied him. See, when I say "I ..." what I'm trying to do is make the reader realize that this is not some sort of encyclopedia, some vault of knowledge, some authority sitting in cyberspace. It's not even as trustworthy as Wikipedia isn't. It's just me, a very, very white freshman in college sitting in a two-bedroom apartment typing away just for the heck of it. My words are more often than not rash, foolish, and startlingly ill-informed. They're just that: my words.

Why is it "I" and not "We?" Well, like I said, when Josh used it it was because he got hitched, so I just avoided it cause that's not me. A friend of ours  already introduces us as "Rob and his partner Kaleb," so I get skittish around these sorts of things. And besides, if I make some absurd claim that Rob doesn't agree with, you can't expect him to go to the stake defending it. I've probably said or will say at some point that I believe that the death penalty should be used in America pretty much exactly like the Old Testament says it should be in Israel (yes, rebellious kids, witches, adulterers, and homosexuals all come under that). Rob doesn't agree with this, so I'd title the post "I call for blood" or something, because it's not "We call for blood." It's just little old me. But if this habit is indeed bugging everyone, I'll shut-up already and move on. What thinkest thee? 

You might have heard from me earlier. . .

. . . If Kaleb hadn't objected to that particular post. Of course, I say that Kaleb objected but the reason I didn't post it immediately was because I was nervous that it could be misconstrued. He merely concurred. It was a bit of satire about obscenity (in which I make up my own absurd non-obscenities and suggest uses for them). If you want to see that post (which was really quite excellent and original) send me an e-mail at rob.noland@gmail.com and I'll send it your way.

Alright, on to the second order of business. You may have noticed that I purposefully avoided starting the post with "I." Then again, you might not have noticed. Well, this is your chance to notice. This is a protest against Kaleb's titling method. I have taken digs at it before. I think it is sort of egotistical (and bordering on the annoying) to start every post that way. After all, it isn't all about me is it? It's about YOU, my readers. Therefore, until Kaleb offers a good explanation for his titling (that involves more than just wanton copycatting of another esteemed blogger) I will start every post with either "you" "he" "she" or "they". If he isn't very persuasive then I will keep my titling.

NB: I don't really think Kaleb is being egotistical; I just want to see his reason for starting every post on a two-author blog with the pronoun "I".

I know what is.

Mongol General:  Hao! Dai ye! We won again! This is good, but what is best in life? 

Mongol: The open steppe, fleet horse, falcons at your wrist, and the wind in your hair. 

Mongol General:  Wrong! Conan! What is best in life? 

Conan: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women. 

Mongol General:  That is good! That is good. 

This makes me laugh to nearly no end. 

I know it's been a while

...since we've been regularly posting. It's been a crazy week and there looms another on the horizon. Just hang on. We'll make it through somehow, I promise. In the meantime, a rundown on the importances and random things of life as I have seen them, in no particular order. 

1. This is incredibly creative. To think I just used legos to build massive castles full of fighting midgets. 

2. From Florida this week. A woman gave birth to the baby she was trying to kill while in the abortion clinic, and the nurse threw it away. In the garbage. The most frightening line of the article is this, regarding what is basically described as a surgical version of a spear: "We don't use these in terminations [anymore]." 

3. Quote of the day, from Oscar Wilde. "One should absorb the colour of life, but one should never remember its details. Details are always vulgar." Poor little gnostic. 

4. I can't wait to see these at Walmart, piloted by obese men buying Diet Coke. 

5. Speaking of the WalBeast, who in the world thought it would be a good idea for them to sell roses?! Seriously. What kind of man buys his wife roses from Walmart? I mean, I know what kind of man buys his wife roses from Walmart, the same kind of man that stuffs her stocking with Skoal and Moon Pies for Christmas. But I mean, just come on. 

6. This is pretty epic. Careful cause there's a few very violent/bloody/disturbing images on there, so don't go clicking on the "objectionable content" labels. 

7. One of the coolest misspellings ever: "90 minuets in heaven"* Also an awesome name for an album. 

8. I just started listening to All These Things That I Have Done by The Killers. One wonders how men responsible for such lyrical drivel as Somebody Told Me could come up with "I've got soul but I'm not a soldier." 

9. And this makes me abundantly happy. They should have bulletproof pocket protectors and short ties. 

*this was referring to the book 90 Minutes In Heaven

I am not as smiley as Rob

I'm not Kaleb, but if I were him that is what I'd have to write. 

You see, my roommate (who titles posts in the manner I just imitated) and I got our checks from Moscow Hotel today for shoveling snow. I got two smiley faces on my envelope. Kaleb only got one. I think she's saying that I am twice as smiley as him. I must say, I am deeply flattered.

On the other hand, the smiley is a semicircle with two dashes. If you turn it over it makes the universal symbol for a mushroom. Perhaps she is saying that I am more "upside-down mushroom" than my otherwise highly esteemed roommate. In fact, I am twice the upside-down mushroom that he'll ever be. That really boosts my self-esteem. 

On yet another hand, (like from a three-handed alien or something) there could be some metaphorical meaning here.

Consider this:

1. A mushroom stinks sometimes if you kick it over (she could be telling us that our apartment stinks).

2. If you eat the wrong kind of mushroom you will die. But, if you eat the right kind of mushroom you will live (even though you just ate the wrong kind of mushroom; and that was almost fatally stupid) because it's an anecdote (hahaha). I think Kaleb is the wrong kind of mushroom.

3. Mushrooms are the favorite food of hobbits. Hobbits are half the size of humans (thus, called halflings). She could be saying that Kaleb is short (the size of a hobbit) but I am the size of two hobbits (like a normal human). The only thing I have to say is that she is a good two or three years late.

If I find out anything more about this highly puzzling situation I shall let you know.