Homonymity is not a choice: A response to Kaleb's response to my. . . whatever he called it

'Sup peoples?

Hear's what I think:

Some words are just dyeing to be misused. I think "their" has always wished that it could be demonstrative, and "there" can't shake the desire to be possessive. These words don't have a choice. After all, who would choose to have to endure all the stigma of being wrong all the time? And they have an excuse - if anybody asks, they were just at the wrong place at the wrong time.

I give these words a place to roam free, and be what they want to be. They need not be confined under the weight of "correct" English grammar. After all, what is correct grammar and word usage anyway? Just the arbitrary whims of thinking people who have the time to write dictionaries and style books. Forget what they say.

Whose with me?

I respond.

Friends, Americans, Countrymen (and all you international types too), a gauntlet has been thrown down. 

I am referring, of course, to the last post, which features a stunning portrait of myself, along with sundry gibberish. The only proper response to such behavior is to post another cooler, more generally awesome, and somehow better-looking picture of myself to top Rob's.

I leave you to judge how well I succeeded. 

But I jest. Nay, the real response must be to Rob's incredible claim to harbor abused words. As indeed he does. If by harbor you mean beat, bend, and violate. Rob claims to shelter misused words, and does so by further misusing and abusing them. One imagines his similar shelter for abused dogs including such friendly items as whips, over-tight muzzles, and cattle prods (I jest, of course, Rob loves dogs - medium rare). Despite my redneck upbringing, my Southern heritage, and years of bad influence, I refuze too right sentence's "like" this won hear. It gives me a headache. 

Also, and on a separate note, as Josiah deftly pointed out below, and as Theresa predicted, I missed two of my calls on films if we're going by Rotten Tomatoes. As I went with the RT the first time, I'll stick by them now, although I note in passing that they've been wrong before. Looks like Valkyrie passed and Bedtime Stories washed. I had such hopes, but I should have known the minute I saw Courtney Cox was involved.

Well, all, the world is made new. The world of orphans, divorce, rape, murder, oppression, cancer, and the stomach flu has already been reborn, renewed, and remade, just not yet. Praise to our Christ, the God-man. Merry Christmas, even if it's late. 

P.S. Rob is really an animal lover. He has more love for dogs than almost anybody I know. Which makes it all the more rad and hysterical that I make him out as a dog hater. And yes, I totally said "rad" so I could use the label "I said rad." While we're at it, sigma. Got another one. 

We at Flabbergasted wish you a marry Christmas

Merry Christmas! Please remember that Christmas doesn't end on the 25th of December. Traditionally, there are supposed to be twelve days of Christmas and the 25th is the first day. So, have a happy second day of Christmas.

The Rob Noland Center for Misplaced and Abused Words

Well, I found out something truly amazing a couple days ago. Kaleb hates homonyms! He's what we would call a dehomonyzer, a mahomynist, an anti-homonitic, take your pick. I would say he's a homophobe, but that means something very different (which is rather ironic, isn't it?). In short, he's very intolerant of homonyms.

I however, have much sympathy with homonyms. I have often had the feeling that I'm not where I belong. For example, sometimes I get the idea that I've wandered into the wrong apartment; strengthened by the terrified screams and painful anti-intruder mechanisms (baseball bats) they tend to use. Personally, I don't see what the big deal is. Same building, right? What's the difference? Sheesh. Get a grip people.

Anyway. . .

Inasmuch as I believe that their aren't enough homonyms in Kaleb's posts; I'm going to let homonyms in to mine. I want my posts to be a haven for abused words. I want them to feel that they are always welcome to come into my posts, and be just as wrong as they want to be. After all, they can't help what they are - that is how Webster made them. So, Whose with me?

The only hitch is, I can't have to many, or the post would get overcrowded. Therefore, I will try to have at least one, and not more than 10 in each post. (I might even try to smuggle some into Kaleb's posts. Who knows?)


N.B. I am not actually in favor of unlawful entry into other people's rented rooms. I pretty much stick to my own quarter's in this venerable establishment. And alas, I haven't actually been attacked with a baseball bat during my stay at the "Moscow Hotel".

Green Day- American Idiot

Peoples! Christmas comes early this year (Not particularly early. It should have come in about a month ago. But who cares? It's here!). That's right. . . on vinyl. . . "AMERICAN IDIOT."

Wright now, Jesus of Suburbia is blaring on the record player. This is the way punk was meant to be listened.

(Skip a bit)

Wait for it. . . Wait for it. . . OH YES, Boulevard of Broken Dreams is gracing itself across the needle. Oh, this is so totally rad.

I wish you were here.

The 100th issueversary- The Anemic Muskrat

Here we are ladies and gentlemen. This is, indeed, a momentous occasion. I have a few words to say (in the form of a fable) in commemoration of our hundredth post. Here goes:

There was once a very scared muskrat. He didn't have any particular reason to be scared, except that a voracious dog was chasing him. The poor anemic thing. That's right, the muskrat is anemic. Is there no justice in the world? Not that we should blame the dog either; he was hungry (and anorexic). When seeing the muskrat the dog couldn't help but defecate. . . uh, I mean salivate. So, the dog was chasing the poor muskrat all around in circles and the muskrat became all lightheaded (because he's anemic) and fainted. Well, this didn't please the dog. He was hungry, but not hungry enough to eat something that had fainted. You see, the dog always did this. He was always making excuses for not eating something. So, he just returned to his own vomit, I mean kennel. The muskrat lived to bleed another day.

Moral: Better look before you read next time. Ha Ha Ha!

One away from the hundredth post. . .

And I'm not letting Kaleb have the big one. Which is the main point of this beauty of a post. So, I'd like to take this opportunity to say hello to everyone. Hello everyone. Okay, on to the next post.

I am 80 hours and 41 minutes from home

So I wanted to post again, mainly so I had something to do besides homework. And I have the attention span of a drunk 2 year old right now, so we'll be doing another several random points of information that hopefully inform and start to entertain.

1. Over the last two nights, I have got 7 hours of sleep. There have been more than 120 ounces of soda involved, which doesn't sound like much until you realize that that translates to more than 600 milligrams of caffeine. Now I don't know much, but since I can't hold my hands steady right now, I'm gonna say that it's a little imbalanced. As I slurp away on my Wheatberries fountain drink.

2. This makes me laugh.

3. I have "errands" to "run" for the first time in my life. I mean, of course I've made a grocery run for my mom, I've picked up drinks for parties, I've even made trips for the sole purpose of banking. But I have a to do list which involves cleaning out fridges, buying Christmas gifts, discussing thermostats with building supers, etc.

4. I'm not sure what to make of this. Apocalypse: yeah. Nic Cage: heck no. I do, however, know what to make of this. And that is: frippin amazing.

5. Thom Yorke has the voice of an angel.

6. Jon Tollefson's poetry does, indeed, make the English language look like a cat. One whose fur he strokes the wrong way, just to watch the fireworks. And those fireworks make me laugh great peals of laughter.

7. You know you've been up north for too long when 17 seems balmy.

8. Last night I think I caught 30 minutes of sleep doing Latin flashcards; like thirty seconds each time I changed slides. I learned so very much.

9. Two days left, people (sorry, Jeremy). Let's Stoke these bad boys.

I catch the general public up

So it's finals week for most of the collegiate world, and we are no exception. While I have plenty of work left to do and it's pretty early, I thought I'd take a sec and update everybody on what's been going on. 

1) Not to toot my own horn, but so far I'm batting 1000 on my movie predictions. The Day The Earth Stood Still got panned so badly it made Twilight look good. 

2) I think if I nail every one of my prophecies regarding upcoming film, somebody should buy me lunch. 

3) So it was a little chilly tonight: 

4) This excites me to just short of no end. 

X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE HD

5) The word "epic" hasn't really been creeping into the general vocabulary of our class so much as violently hurling itself, leaving behind it a trail of devastation and laughter. 

6)  Rob and I will be running like madmen (at least, I will be) down the concourse of the New Orleans Airport towards nine or so frantically waving people in approximately 114 hours and 48 minutes. Not that I'm counting. 

7) I am very much looking forward to Tim Tebow running all over the OU defense and destroying that poor sap that got the Heisman. 

8) Blackberry waffles hot off the iron, topped with cold syrup, and flanked by pepper bacon and cheese scrambled eggs, is pretty much the ultimate brinner. 

Sigur Ros- Staralfur

I do say, there is a lot of common grace going on with this band. This music is heavenly. I hope this song affects you as much as it did me!

The 2000th customer. . . I mean visitor

Ladies and Gentlemen, Tyler Antkowiak (madmancorner.blogspot.com) is our 2000th visitor. He shall receive something from "Bucer's" at the time of his choosing. Congratulations Tyler!

Sigur Ros- Njosnavelin (the nothing song)/Untitled #4

Listen to this song, and tell me it isn't beautiful. It's repetitive, but it still has just enough variation to sustain the beauty. Words are useless, just listen to it.

Sigur Ros is amazing. I recommend heartily.

I get excited

Okay guys, so here's the deal. I'm ridiculously excited about Christmas break, so I've been trying to line up the movies I want to see with family and friends. Anyhow, I've stumbled across a few soon-to-be-released films that look good, bad, and downright ugly. So I'll post a preview, draw conclusions about a book from merely perusing the cover, and you get to critique me. Here goes. 

The Day the Earth Stood Still, directed by Scott Derrickson

Release Date: December 19, 2008

Verdict: Bad. Although I'm excited they're doing a remake of a classic, I refuse to be a part of something that pays Keanu Reeves more than 10 million dollars to act like an alien. Seriously, I can think of at least a million better ways to throw away money than to pay Keanu Reeves to be himself. 

Terminator: Salvation, directed by McG

Release Date: May 22, 2009

Verdict: Good. T4 stars Christian Bale as John Connor? Okay, why in the world did it take them that long to figure this out? Throw in Helena Bonham Carter and Bryce Dallas Howard, without a doubt two of the most talented actresses right now, and I'm yours. Did I mention it's written by James Cameron, who wrote T2 and T3, directed T2 (arguably the best) and also directed Aliens? Yeah. That's right.  By the by, a much better quality video is here.

Avatar, directed by James Cameron

Release Date: December 18, 2009

Verdict: Good. It's James Cameron, it's apparently got the second biggest budget in film history (a quarter of a billion. That's right, with a b), and it's about Earth trying to take over another planet. It's either gonna be great or terrible. We'll give Cameron the benefit of the doubt, for right now. 

Bedtime Stories by Adam Shankman

Release Date: December 25, 2008

Verdict: Good. Adam Shankman, if you look him up on the IMDB, hasn't had a real miss as a director. Apparently Sandler took a cue from fellow adult comic Stiller and decided to do something kid friendly. We'll see if Courtney Cox can also drop the whole skank thing for a few minutes. It'll definitely be a stretch. 

Defiance, directed by Edward Zwick

Release Date: January 16, 2009

Verdict: Good. Daniel Craig is a great actor, and Zwick's credits include Glory, Blood Diamond, The Siege, and The Last Samurai. Looks like a winner to me.  

The International by Tom Twyker

Release Date: February 13, 2009

Verdict: Good. Yeah, Clive Owen is one of my favorite actors ever. This could go south and just be about vigilante justice, or it could actually be a great movie. But it's got Clive Owen, ya'll. And also, in a weird twist, Twyker recently broke up with his long-time girlfriend, who happens to be Marie from the Bourne movies. Has nothing to do with the movie, just a weird little fact. 

Valkyrie directed by Bryan Singer

Release Date: December 25, 2008

Verdict: Ugly. Guys, I'm sorry. It's always worse when great movies fail over a single, glaring oversight. Tom Cruise should not have been within a hundred miles of this film. It's directed by Bryan Singer (X-men, X2, The Usual Suspects, Superman Returns, and producer of House, M.D.), it's got Kenneth Branagh, Bill Nighy, Tom Wilkinson, and even Eddie Izzard. Why, in the world, would anybody let this talent go to waste on a Tom Cruise movie!?! I could be wrong. I hope I'm wrong, that this turns out to be amazing and Cruise pulls off the performance of a lifetime. But I don't think that's likely. 

Up, directed by Pete Doctor and Bob Peterson

Release Date: May 29, 2009 

Verdict: Good. Um, so can anyone actually think of anything they wanted to do as a childmore than this?! I mean seriously, this is a genius idea for a film. Pure genius.

90 hits from the mark

Only 90 hits away, keep your eyes on the prize loyal readership.

What's wrong with this picture?

It's a little hard to make out, but that's Starbursts sitting on Kaleb's plate. He left them sitting there like he was just peeling off shrimp tails.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is how short on food we are. Instead of chips (like normal people) we are eating Starbursts with our grilled turkey sandwiches (or veggie burgers, if you have the enormously good luck of being me).

Tear the world together

Have you heard that "Hootie & The Blowfish" song Take My hand? I was listening to that this evening, and I've always thought he was saying "tear the world together" and I looked up the lyrics to see if I was right. But I was not right. I was wrong. Shock and awe and pandelirium! He was saying "Take the world together."

Anyway, I think the song would be better if he said "tear the world together" (the upside of course is that I get to use this term like I coined it myself). Because that's really the task of reconciliation - there is nothing peaceful about it. In fact, there is nothing peaceful about "peace" at all.

To many people, peace implies passivity. However, NOTHING could be further from the truth (well, I suppose something could be; don't press me on it). There is nothing so violent to the present human condition as peace. If you want people to be at peace, for God's sake pull the Ak's out of their hands. Guess what? You might have to make them play nice, and it might be violent. Then you can go about the long and arduous task of teaching them to like it (don't leave that out or you'll just have gun control).

The problem with pacifism is that it so often becomes "passivism." For instance, let us take that old hypothetical situation- a robber has a gun and he wants to harm your family, you have a gun what do you do (or more towards the spirit of the question: what would Jesus do?) My answer is that there is nothing noble about refusing to protect your family when a robber comes around because you "don't want to hurt him." In fact, I would say that inaction in this circumstance is a form of violence. By refusing to take action you would not be doing anyone a favor. You are allowing someone to complete a sinful and violent act, and also neglecting your God-given duty as protector of the family.


N.B. - When I say "For God's sake" I'm not taking God's name in vain. I really mean it literally. That is literally the reason you should take people's guns away from them if they're not playing nice. Also, I say "them" as a sort of nebulous "whoever is at war with each other" sort of thing.