I just don't think people understand

So here's the headline I saw a few days ago:
U.N. alarmed by Lebanon rocket attacks on Israel
I am intrigued by this. Because, you see, it's so ridiculously obvious. Are there rocket attacks that don't alarm people? I would hate to see them. I mean really, how boring would that attack be?

We continue reading, though

U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon

You've got to be kidding me. Just when Kofi Annan steps down, we get a man named
Ban Ki-moon? We serve a marvelously funny God, my friends

expressed alarm on Wednesday over reports of Lebanese rocket attacks against Israel and urged all parties in the region to avoid actions that could make a bad situation worse. "That is ... a very alarming, very disturbing and troubling situation," Ban told reporters

Again with the alarm. Apparently General Ban hasn't been told that this sort of thing has been happening since the Muslims invaded like 1,000 years ago. And now he's asking Israel not to retaliate. Someone needs to give the poor man a briefing. Retaliation is my Israeli neighbor's middle name. Not really, but you see my point. Revenge is something they are good at. Their ancestors avenged the rape of their sister by convincing an entire city of men to circumcise themselves, and then came in on the third day "when they were sore" and butchered the lot of them.

Ban said that U.N. peacekeepers in Lebanon, known as UNIFIL, were investigating the rocket attacks launched from inside Lebanon. The incident took place on the 19th day of Israel's offensive against Hamas militants in the Gaza strip.

Tough, that one. Israel fights Hamas militants. All of a sudden, rockets start
appearing out of Lebanon, a known supporter and harbor for Hamas militants.
Careful now, don't think about this too hard or you might get a headache.

Security sources in Lebanon said five rockets were fired, though two fell in Lebanon.

So these guys aren't just idiots because they're fighting against one of the most militant nations on the planet, they're also idiots in the traditional sense of the word. They can't even point and shoot.

"Hamas rocket attacks must stop and at the same time I have been condemning
the excessive military operation by the Israelis," he told an earlier news
conference in Cairo . . .

Apparently we're going to be forgetting that whole part where Hamas stole the land from Israel. Just like we forgot about Hitler annexing Austria. Because that worked so well.

The Hamas-run Health Ministry in Gaza said 1,010 Palestinians had been killed
and 4,700 wounded by Israel so far. The Israelis say on their side 10 soldiers,
and three civilians hit by cross-border Hamas rockets, have been killed.

The moral of this story, kids, is: don't mess with Israel. 13 deaths compared to 1,010?! That's absolutely incredible.

Here's what I don't think people get. People don't understand that God's promises to Israel aren't finished. If God is going to redeem the nation of Israel as He has promised, He's got to have something to redeem.* In the Six Day War in 1967, Israel was attacked by Syria, Jordan, Iraq, and Egypt. They were outnumbered almost 2 to 1 in infantry, 3 to 1 in the air, and 3 to 1 in tanks. By the end of those six days, Israel had had 800 men killed, 2500 wounded, and 15 captured. The four Arabic nations had lost 13,000 men, 8,000 wounded, and 6,000 prisoners. Israel lost 46 aircraft as compared to more than 400 aircraft. Don't mess with the Lord's chosen. David didn't kill Saul even though he was unfaithful, because Saul was God's chosen one. I can think of no other nation on earth that is that small, surrounded by that many enemies, and that has lasted for that long. So, as the eloquent Pastor Hadding has said on many an occasion, I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'. 

*This does, in fact and in most every way, represent what I believe. It may or may not represent what Rob believes, we haven't discussed it yet. Something tells me we will shortly. 

I respond.

Friends, Americans, Countrymen (and all you international types too), a gauntlet has been thrown down. 

I am referring, of course, to the last post, which features a stunning portrait of myself, along with sundry gibberish. The only proper response to such behavior is to post another cooler, more generally awesome, and somehow better-looking picture of myself to top Rob's.

I leave you to judge how well I succeeded. 

But I jest. Nay, the real response must be to Rob's incredible claim to harbor abused words. As indeed he does. If by harbor you mean beat, bend, and violate. Rob claims to shelter misused words, and does so by further misusing and abusing them. One imagines his similar shelter for abused dogs including such friendly items as whips, over-tight muzzles, and cattle prods (I jest, of course, Rob loves dogs - medium rare). Despite my redneck upbringing, my Southern heritage, and years of bad influence, I refuze too right sentence's "like" this won hear. It gives me a headache. 

Also, and on a separate note, as Josiah deftly pointed out below, and as Theresa predicted, I missed two of my calls on films if we're going by Rotten Tomatoes. As I went with the RT the first time, I'll stick by them now, although I note in passing that they've been wrong before. Looks like Valkyrie passed and Bedtime Stories washed. I had such hopes, but I should have known the minute I saw Courtney Cox was involved.

Well, all, the world is made new. The world of orphans, divorce, rape, murder, oppression, cancer, and the stomach flu has already been reborn, renewed, and remade, just not yet. Praise to our Christ, the God-man. Merry Christmas, even if it's late. 

P.S. Rob is really an animal lover. He has more love for dogs than almost anybody I know. Which makes it all the more rad and hysterical that I make him out as a dog hater. And yes, I totally said "rad" so I could use the label "I said rad." While we're at it, sigma. Got another one. 

I got tagged

Okay, so, a while back, Faith of Viva la Vida fame tagged me on her blog. Here's the rules: you list six random things about you, you call out six people you know to do the same. And the unwritten rule is, of course, unlike chain emails, if you don't do it you're sorta the tacky guy on the block. And I ain't that guy. So here it is.

1. I could not stand pizza until the summer after I turned 15. Until this year I hated spaghetti and lasagna. I've never been able to comprehend people's desire for guacamole.

2. I love vinyl records. Rob and I collectively own almost thirty LPs, and they are the way of the future. That's right, the future.

3. Rob and I have a running dare that we won't turn on the heat in our apartment. He said "So when are we gonna turn the heat on?" I responded, "whenever you get cold." He then said: "I can last as long as you can." To which my obvious response was, "and I can last longer than you, so I guess we're good."

4. I have an unreasonable, unpredictable, and totally irrational love for the band Journey.

5. Until this past August, when I moved into the apartment, I've never had my own room. I always shared one with my two younger brothers or sister (at least, as long as I can remember). And, perhaps even weirder, (unless you know my brothers, both the painfully cool Kanaan/Mark and the tragically hip Khristian/whatever annoying name I can come up with) I enjoyed it immensely. I think I'll make my children do the same.

6. My grandaddy makes the best BBQ in the world, and my grandmother makes the best fried chicken. This is the grandaddy who dipped my pacifier in Dr. Pepper when I was but a tyke. I also vividly remember the two times in my life that they have not had DP in their fridge. Those were tragic days.

Okay, so that's it. You now know 6 extremely random yet important factors in my life. I think my favorite part of this list is the descriptors of my brothers. You can commonplace me if you'd like. (sarcasm alert - I really don't think you should, it's not all that great) The beauty of it is, if you know my brothers you know how very, very true those words are. Kanaan is (at least to my nerdy self) always cool, often painfully cool. And Khristian, well, he's just always tragically hip. And yes, you can say that your grandmother or mother or cousin Suzie makes better fried chicken than my grandmother. Just know, deep down in your heart of hearts, that you're wrong. Really, objectively, utterly wrong.

Oh yeah, six people. Hmm. Most people I know that read this blog don't have one. But, all the same, here goes. You guys can post your six in the comments section. And make it interesting, people. Surprise me (Trey, not too much). That said, if you refuse, I'll understand, I'll just call you girl names for the rest of the time I know you (except for Antkowiak - I won't do a thing except ask why, and then in a completely non-aggressive tone of voice).

Bobby Lee, Trey, Will Hughes, Mark (yeah, you Kano), Jeremy Sauder, Tyler Antkowiak.

I am in da haus, jah?

Below are four videos from the YouTube. If you're an acquaintance of mine or Rob's, odds are you've heard phrases from any or all of these thrown around some. If, Lord help you, you're a friend of either of us, you just thought we were overusing our own wit. Little did you know we're not even that clever, we just were quoting someone else's humor. So, there's one video below from the film Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Are Dead, and three from the same series of Volkswagen commercials. Oh, and those commercials will probably change your life. Just so you know . . .

Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Are Dead - The Questions Game



Volkswagen Golf GTi-Mk5: Commercial 1


Volkswagen Golf GTi-Mk5: Commercial 2


Volkswagen Golf GTi-Mk5: Commercial 3

I open the dam on Top 10 lists

Last night our good friend Jeremy Soder purchased a 1950's era portable turntable record player with built in sound system from the Salvation Army. It's amazing. We immediately went to Bookpeoples in downtown Moscow and purchased the following LPs: "Flight of the Valkyrie," "Beethoven's 9th," some 80s pop music which is really cool, "Eagles: Their Greatest Hits 1971-1975," and "Saturday Night Fever - The Soundtrack." Yes, we listened to Stayin Alive on vinyl. It was amazing, and we discoed in their apartment. I also found a copy of the original Orson Welles broadcast of War of the Worlds on two LPs. For 8 of the hardest earned. It was phenomenal. Anyhow, here's my top 10 list of records that will sound better on vinyl than on CD. I'll be following this up with a post on why I think vinyl is coming back because of the sterility of digital music, but that'll be later. After my rhetoric final. So, here goes.

Top 10: Albums That Will Sound Better On Vinyl Than On CD

10. The Way It Is, Bruce Hornsby and the Range

Why:
The classic, mellow sound of this album has always moved me to tears, and the turntable sound accentuates the soulful. Hornsby's piano is among the greatest in modern rock (Elton John and Stevie Wonder being obvious contenders) and the echoes of records will complement his sound.

Key Tracks: On The Western Skyline - "I'm staring into the twilight" enough said. Every Little Kiss - The chips of vinyl on top of those haunting melodies? Perfect.

9. Come On Feel The Illinoise!, Sufjan Stevens

Why:
Sufjan's so ridiculously indie that the grit of the turntable can't help but add character to an album already exploding with it.

Key Track: Casimir Pulaski Day - Turntable grit/static combined with "And He takes and He takes and He takes . . . "



8. In Rainbows, Radiohead

Why:
When I first downloaded this album, I had it in 192 kbps MP3, which if you know, is not great quality. Then I burned it onto an old blank CD I had lying around, and the next morning at 5 am I played it on an old walkman which then went through a banged up FM transmitter to an already static-filled frequency. The result - magic.

Key Track: Reckoner

7. Narrow Stairs, Death Cab for Cutie

Why: This album is definitely not my favorite Death Cab. Plans took them a long way from the genius of their indie selves, but this is a step in the right direction. You can tell because it will sound better on vinyl. Plans is to poppy, too crisp to work on record, but songs like Bigsby Canyon Bridge and I Will Possess Your Heart beg for the care of the needle.

Key Tracks: No Sunlight, Grapevine Fires

6. Give Up, The Postal Service

Why:
Despite the inclusion of yet another Gibbard project on the list, there's a reason he releases on Barsuk LPs. The echoes and subtle beats of such classics as Nothing Better, Clark Gable, and District Sleeps Alone Tonight promise great things on the turntable.

Key Track: We Will Become Silhouettes - the echoes and chips of a record on this already haunting track? This track was created for vinyl.

5. Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, The Flaming Lips

Why:
My main reason for the presence of this album, which I've listened to very little of, is also the key track. Do You Realize?? is an amazing song for its life, exuberance, and existential contrast. Throw it on the table and let the magic happen.

Key Track: Do You Realize??



4. Speak for Yourself, Imogen Heap

Why:
I mainly want to hear the purist sounds of Imogen Heap, so painstakingly produced with various random "instruments;" beer bottles, cardboard tubes, etc., put through a record player. Just to see what the chimes of Say Goodnight and Go sound like after the vinyl rebirth.

Key Track: Just For Now - in case that song didn't have enough awesomeness going on already, let's add yet another dimension to the sound.

3. Viva La Vida, Coldplay

Why:
Surely the most existential album of Coldplay's history, Viva La Vida was, the dust jacket tells us, recorded in such places as a church, a bakery, and a monastery. The beat of Lost, and the soaring life that is the guitar solo in the second half of Yes, these are things that need a needle to give them life.

Key Tracks: Strawberry Swing - the beginning of this song already sounds like it's coming out of an old jukebox, so let's go all the way and see what happens! Death and All His Friends - "No I don't want a battle from beginning to end. . . " to the fade back into Life in Technicolor's theme, this will blow our minds. I can't wait.

2. Takk, Sigur Ros

Why:
An Icelandic guy singing to us in a language which sounds like that of the angels while someone behind him plays an electric guitar with a cello bow. Throw in soaring, heart-rending melodies, drops in tempo that explode again in renewed life, and you've found yourself one heck of an artist. Welcome to the wonderful world of Sigur Ros.

Key Track: Hoppipolla - When I think about the glorious shift in this song near the middle into that exuberant crash, I think of the resurrection of Christ. Listening to it on vinyl would be the difference between listening to your 3rd grade sunday school teacher tell you the story and reading the Scripture. We may never feel the same about Sigur Ros on digital again.

1. Transatlanticism, Death Cab for Cutie

Why:
This is probably my favorite album of all time, so it's a shoe-in for number one on any list. But I fought this urge until, 10 seconds later, I realized how perfect it is. Transatlanticism is an album about distance. It's the story of two lovers seperated by the Atlantic and the effect this has on their love. From the first time you hear the clacking of rails in New Year to the final note of Lack of Color, Transatlanticism is a triumphant, Kierkegaardian treatise on distance in a relationship. Vinyl has the unique quality of adding a different level of distance. Digital music puts the sound right on us, in our ears, rather than removing it to the appropriate place. This record will be amazing.

Key Tracks: We Looked Like Giants, New Year - "God bless the day light, the sugary smell of springtime" and "explosions off in the distance, in the distance" under the needle. Sublime.

I thought of my Dad

When I read these quotes from the one, the only, the great Vince Lombardi.

"A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall."
One word, three letters. NSA. We've gotta get a rugby club on.

"If you can accept losing you can't win. If you can walk you can run. No one is ever hurt. Hurt is in your mind."
I hear my Dad saying "Ain't nothin but a thang" when I bashed my thumb, skinned my elbow, or did anything generally hurtful while working.

Why I listen to Green Day and U2

Most people don't have a problem that I listen to the rock band U2 a good bit. U2 is generally a pretty wholesome band, and they are mostly Christian (all except Adam Clayton). This doesn't really describe them very well, but you sort of get the idea.









Green Day, on the other hand, is not as wholesome as we might like. Here's a picture of them:


Now here's the problem most people have with Green Day: they are punk. Also, they sound angry a lot, they are not Christians, they curse sometimes in their lyrics, and they look weird (this all kind of goes along with being punk).

Okay people, I hear you but let me explain why bands like Green Day are necessary in the music industry.

Let us say, for the sake of argument, that there are a lot of run-down buildings that need to be demolished. They are pretty old and historic and they represent a lot of tradition for some people. At some point, though, we need someone to knock those buildings down. That's Green Day. They are the demolition crew. They come in with sledgehammers and knock at corrupt America and traditions steeped in injustice. While they are at it, they also attack traditional religion and start to criticize the Christian faith (this is the point where we pay them their wages, take their sledgehammers away from them, and confiscate the keys to the wrecking ball).

This is all well and good, but what happens after they get carried away? Someone needs to build and put beautiful buildings up where before there was only decrepit, moldy, and condemned public housing projects. Who is going to do this? Bands like U2.

I see U2 as a band that primarily tries to replace the old vestiges of hate with love. Even when they were being more experimental and postmodern in the 90's they were using different means of achieving the same goal (primarily irony). It is hard to go to a U2 concert without being confronted about the suffering of the world. Bono may ask "Am I bugging you? I don't mean to bug ya". The audience may reply "Yes" cut it out and play the music; but his point is ultimately taken. I can't think of a better way of getting the message of love across to 4o,ooo people at once; because 40,000 people are singing along to a song that questions "how long, how long must we sing this song."

This is not to say that hate will ever disappear, or even that there never is a place for hate. But if we keep replacing it with love, surely the world will run out, right? Perhaps not, but Christians, fools to the world, can keep trying.