I am continually amazed

okgo has cranked out consistently awesome music videos. There's the immortal treadmill video for here it goes again, one of the first great youtube videos and the epic fight montage of million ways to be cruel. I'm not sure if they stopped making videos at that point or if I just stopped watching them. In any case, their new one is on the tube right now, and it's awesome. The song is called this too shall pass.

I can't embed it so go here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJKythlXAIY

Still not convinced? Picture this: Notre Dame Fighting Irish marching band. An accordion. In a field. In Gilley suits. Oh yeah.

I, like Big T, have a wise younger sister.

As has already been said by better men than I, my sister is smarter than me. And sweeter. Which, if you know me, you know isn't that hard, and if you know my sister, you know how much of an understatement that is.

Don't forget that sleep is not a sin. Please get some rest.

(from an email)

I make irrelevant comments because it's late.

Read somewhere between tonight and tomorrow morning:

The remaining cells die via apoptosis (programmed cell death).

Yeah, biology textbook. Point is this:

wouldn't Programmed Cell Death be the greatest name ever for a Techno Punk Rock Band?!

I know, right? Now you can return to what actually matters in your life.

I need to work up to this ...

So I haven't posted on Flabbergasted in so long I can hardly even be called a contributor. Yes, you say, I know, what gives? To which I would hem, haw, and give you much of what elsewhere is called nugarum about time and my lack thereof. In any case, I figured the best thing to give you in the short time I have until Natural History would be an obituary I wrote recently. For myself. For declamations. Things you should know about this particular item: it's not serious. Not even hardly. Also, look on YouTube for "Most Interesting Man in the World." These are some of the greatest commercials of all time. Period.

Kaleb A. Trotter: Jan 2 1990 – Sep. 25, 2080.

Kaleb Trotter, explorer, art critic, Presidential candidate, and wealthy eccentric, was found on his private yacht today off the coast of Tasmania, south of Australia. His wife found him lying in bed, his favorite Irish wolfhound lying at his feet. Doctors have been unable to determine the cause of death, and when his widow was asked if she believed it was a heart attack, she replied, “his heart wouldn’t nearly be foolish enough to attack him.”

It is unknown where Trotter acquired his fortune, but black market deals in ancient artifacts were suspected ever since his expedition into Ethiopia in the early 2040’s. Before 2020, Trotter was unheard of, growing up in relative obscurity in the southern part of the United States. He became a household name almost overnight after discovering the Maasacani, a primitive tribe living near the mouth of the Congo River in West Africa. Out of supplies and having lost his entire safari due to malaria, quicksand, and the previously unknown ratus africanus, the African Swamp Rat (a rodent of rather unusual size), Trotter reportedly happened upon a tyrannosaurus rex, most likely the last of its species, which he famously claimed to have killed, “with one disarming look and a broken pocket-knife.”

After returning to America, Trotter ran for President on the Independent ticket in 2036. Though caucuses were promising, he withdrew in September of 2035, allegedly because he couldn’t stand a third interview with the aging Bill O’Reilly. Said Trotter, “you’d think the man would realize that sometimes all it takes are roguish good looks.” When asked about what an Independent candidate thought of the two party system, Trotter immediately replied, “the after-party is the one you want to attend.”

Trotter turned his attention to art next, acquiring and donating hundreds of pieces of Ancient and Neoclassical art to museums in America. Most famously, he convinced the President of Greece, Alina Nicasopolis, to allow him to break the Acropolis down and send it to the British Museum, so that he “could see the completed artwork without having to go to Greece. I don’t prefer long plane rides.” When asked how he could possibly have effected this astounding event, Trotter said, “well, I didn’t the pocket-knife. Just the look.”

Trotter faded into relative obscurity afterwards, purchasing an island in the Caribbean, formerly one of the Bahamas. Once a year he hosted the world’s elite at a legendary private New Years Eve party. Said one attendee, “things got fuzzy after I jumped into the Jack Daniels fountain, but I distinctly remember Trotter commenting on how drunk I was. Things got very quiet, and then he laughed loudly and said, ‘so that’s how an awkward moment feels. I’ve always wondered.’”

Trotter’s family could not be reached for comment, although a nephew said that the millionaire was circumnavigating the globe to make sure he hadn’t missed anything of importance. 


I wish you a happy holiday

Happy Casimir Pulaski Day. 

In other news, this should surprise anyone who has spent their entire lives locked in the storm cellar. As a side note, I just love it when the BBC gets all self-righteous on American news. It is really, truly amusing.

And the other breaking story in "New News," da Dow is doing not so good. 7000 is, apparently, the bottom of the bucket for stock markets. And Washington is giving another $30 billion imaginary dollars to AIG! Which also makes me laugh.

By the by, Slumdog Millionaire is incredible. Danny Boyle is among the greatest directors of all time. His ability to tell a story is simply unfathomable. I'll be posting a more substantive review soon.

I got crucified in ashes.

So tonight I went to my first Ash Wednesday service ever. Some people may wonder how this could possibly be the case. To them I say, visit a Southern Baptist church and you will begin to realize. We are really good at emptying bathwater, and especially good at the accompanying activity of baby-chucking. 

Anyhow, for you all tonight on this Ash Wednesday, I present a multivarious fare of life lessons and observations from the past weeks. 

1. I miss seeing news footage of Mardi Gras in Mobile, especially the mug shots. 

2. This shouldn't make me laugh, but oh how it does!  

3. Sir Joshua Reynolds, master British painter and President of the Royal Academy, writes the following: One advantage, I will venture to affirm, we shall have in our Academy, which no other nation can boast. We shall have nothing to unlearn. (Discourses on Art, Discourse 1) And that makes me smirk the wise, knowing smirk of one who knows something the speaker doesn't. 

4. My favorite two commonplaces from week-before-last:

Swede: The [Lordship] quiz is so simple and my mind is just so complex!

Swede: The lordship quiz is like coming in here with all your armor on and ... well ... 

Claire: You realize it's a sumo wrestling match. 

5. Well, now, who'd have thought?  The funniest thing is that you can hear the indignation in the cracking of their voice. 

6. This may become the goriest action movie ever made.

7. I don't even believe this mess. For crying out loud.

8. You know you've been doing too much school work and too little sleeping when you start responding to people in Latin, only stopping when you realize that you don't know the word for narrative. This is, of course, a purely hypothetical situation. 

9. I found this very interesting. 

       Gen. 3:7 (ESV) Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. 

      Matt. 21:18-22 (ESV) In the morning, as he was returning to the city, he became hungry. And seeing a fig tree by the wayside, he went to it and found nothing on it but only leaves. And he said to it, "May no fruit ever come from you again!" And the fig tree withered at once. 

      Matt. 25:41-46 (ESV) Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me no food ... and these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life."

10. I'm just glad that the little sidebar of followers now calls itself Google Friend Connect. Otherwise, who knows how I might try to connect with them. 

11. Ladies and Gentlemen, I announce, with great trepidity and hopeful expectation, the appearance of an incredible blog. Behold the Jons.

12. A quick little free-verse I jotted down at some point during week-before-last's Disputatio. Not good but begins to get my point across:

sprinting with a leather bag

slosh-burned

two til and sprinting past waiting hatchbacks

a dollar lighter

but it's this heavy water 

gives me wings. 

Thank God for Americano Fridays. 

I know what is.

Mongol General:  Hao! Dai ye! We won again! This is good, but what is best in life? 

Mongol: The open steppe, fleet horse, falcons at your wrist, and the wind in your hair. 

Mongol General:  Wrong! Conan! What is best in life? 

Conan: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women. 

Mongol General:  That is good! That is good. 

This makes me laugh to nearly no end. 

I know it's been a while

...since we've been regularly posting. It's been a crazy week and there looms another on the horizon. Just hang on. We'll make it through somehow, I promise. In the meantime, a rundown on the importances and random things of life as I have seen them, in no particular order. 

1. This is incredibly creative. To think I just used legos to build massive castles full of fighting midgets. 

2. From Florida this week. A woman gave birth to the baby she was trying to kill while in the abortion clinic, and the nurse threw it away. In the garbage. The most frightening line of the article is this, regarding what is basically described as a surgical version of a spear: "We don't use these in terminations [anymore]." 

3. Quote of the day, from Oscar Wilde. "One should absorb the colour of life, but one should never remember its details. Details are always vulgar." Poor little gnostic. 

4. I can't wait to see these at Walmart, piloted by obese men buying Diet Coke. 

5. Speaking of the WalBeast, who in the world thought it would be a good idea for them to sell roses?! Seriously. What kind of man buys his wife roses from Walmart? I mean, I know what kind of man buys his wife roses from Walmart, the same kind of man that stuffs her stocking with Skoal and Moon Pies for Christmas. But I mean, just come on. 

6. This is pretty epic. Careful cause there's a few very violent/bloody/disturbing images on there, so don't go clicking on the "objectionable content" labels. 

7. One of the coolest misspellings ever: "90 minuets in heaven"* Also an awesome name for an album. 

8. I just started listening to All These Things That I Have Done by The Killers. One wonders how men responsible for such lyrical drivel as Somebody Told Me could come up with "I've got soul but I'm not a soldier." 

9. And this makes me abundantly happy. They should have bulletproof pocket protectors and short ties. 

*this was referring to the book 90 Minutes In Heaven

I respond.

Friends, Americans, Countrymen (and all you international types too), a gauntlet has been thrown down. 

I am referring, of course, to the last post, which features a stunning portrait of myself, along with sundry gibberish. The only proper response to such behavior is to post another cooler, more generally awesome, and somehow better-looking picture of myself to top Rob's.

I leave you to judge how well I succeeded. 

But I jest. Nay, the real response must be to Rob's incredible claim to harbor abused words. As indeed he does. If by harbor you mean beat, bend, and violate. Rob claims to shelter misused words, and does so by further misusing and abusing them. One imagines his similar shelter for abused dogs including such friendly items as whips, over-tight muzzles, and cattle prods (I jest, of course, Rob loves dogs - medium rare). Despite my redneck upbringing, my Southern heritage, and years of bad influence, I refuze too right sentence's "like" this won hear. It gives me a headache. 

Also, and on a separate note, as Josiah deftly pointed out below, and as Theresa predicted, I missed two of my calls on films if we're going by Rotten Tomatoes. As I went with the RT the first time, I'll stick by them now, although I note in passing that they've been wrong before. Looks like Valkyrie passed and Bedtime Stories washed. I had such hopes, but I should have known the minute I saw Courtney Cox was involved.

Well, all, the world is made new. The world of orphans, divorce, rape, murder, oppression, cancer, and the stomach flu has already been reborn, renewed, and remade, just not yet. Praise to our Christ, the God-man. Merry Christmas, even if it's late. 

P.S. Rob is really an animal lover. He has more love for dogs than almost anybody I know. Which makes it all the more rad and hysterical that I make him out as a dog hater. And yes, I totally said "rad" so I could use the label "I said rad." While we're at it, sigma. Got another one. 

I am 80 hours and 41 minutes from home

So I wanted to post again, mainly so I had something to do besides homework. And I have the attention span of a drunk 2 year old right now, so we'll be doing another several random points of information that hopefully inform and start to entertain.

1. Over the last two nights, I have got 7 hours of sleep. There have been more than 120 ounces of soda involved, which doesn't sound like much until you realize that that translates to more than 600 milligrams of caffeine. Now I don't know much, but since I can't hold my hands steady right now, I'm gonna say that it's a little imbalanced. As I slurp away on my Wheatberries fountain drink.

2. This makes me laugh.

3. I have "errands" to "run" for the first time in my life. I mean, of course I've made a grocery run for my mom, I've picked up drinks for parties, I've even made trips for the sole purpose of banking. But I have a to do list which involves cleaning out fridges, buying Christmas gifts, discussing thermostats with building supers, etc.

4. I'm not sure what to make of this. Apocalypse: yeah. Nic Cage: heck no. I do, however, know what to make of this. And that is: frippin amazing.

5. Thom Yorke has the voice of an angel.

6. Jon Tollefson's poetry does, indeed, make the English language look like a cat. One whose fur he strokes the wrong way, just to watch the fireworks. And those fireworks make me laugh great peals of laughter.

7. You know you've been up north for too long when 17 seems balmy.

8. Last night I think I caught 30 minutes of sleep doing Latin flashcards; like thirty seconds each time I changed slides. I learned so very much.

9. Two days left, people (sorry, Jeremy). Let's Stoke these bad boys.

I catch the general public up

So it's finals week for most of the collegiate world, and we are no exception. While I have plenty of work left to do and it's pretty early, I thought I'd take a sec and update everybody on what's been going on. 

1) Not to toot my own horn, but so far I'm batting 1000 on my movie predictions. The Day The Earth Stood Still got panned so badly it made Twilight look good. 

2) I think if I nail every one of my prophecies regarding upcoming film, somebody should buy me lunch. 

3) So it was a little chilly tonight: 

4) This excites me to just short of no end. 

X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE HD

5) The word "epic" hasn't really been creeping into the general vocabulary of our class so much as violently hurling itself, leaving behind it a trail of devastation and laughter. 

6)  Rob and I will be running like madmen (at least, I will be) down the concourse of the New Orleans Airport towards nine or so frantically waving people in approximately 114 hours and 48 minutes. Not that I'm counting. 

7) I am very much looking forward to Tim Tebow running all over the OU defense and destroying that poor sap that got the Heisman. 

8) Blackberry waffles hot off the iron, topped with cold syrup, and flanked by pepper bacon and cheese scrambled eggs, is pretty much the ultimate brinner. 

I get excited

Okay guys, so here's the deal. I'm ridiculously excited about Christmas break, so I've been trying to line up the movies I want to see with family and friends. Anyhow, I've stumbled across a few soon-to-be-released films that look good, bad, and downright ugly. So I'll post a preview, draw conclusions about a book from merely perusing the cover, and you get to critique me. Here goes. 

The Day the Earth Stood Still, directed by Scott Derrickson

Release Date: December 19, 2008

Verdict: Bad. Although I'm excited they're doing a remake of a classic, I refuse to be a part of something that pays Keanu Reeves more than 10 million dollars to act like an alien. Seriously, I can think of at least a million better ways to throw away money than to pay Keanu Reeves to be himself. 

Terminator: Salvation, directed by McG

Release Date: May 22, 2009

Verdict: Good. T4 stars Christian Bale as John Connor? Okay, why in the world did it take them that long to figure this out? Throw in Helena Bonham Carter and Bryce Dallas Howard, without a doubt two of the most talented actresses right now, and I'm yours. Did I mention it's written by James Cameron, who wrote T2 and T3, directed T2 (arguably the best) and also directed Aliens? Yeah. That's right.  By the by, a much better quality video is here.

Avatar, directed by James Cameron

Release Date: December 18, 2009

Verdict: Good. It's James Cameron, it's apparently got the second biggest budget in film history (a quarter of a billion. That's right, with a b), and it's about Earth trying to take over another planet. It's either gonna be great or terrible. We'll give Cameron the benefit of the doubt, for right now. 

Bedtime Stories by Adam Shankman

Release Date: December 25, 2008

Verdict: Good. Adam Shankman, if you look him up on the IMDB, hasn't had a real miss as a director. Apparently Sandler took a cue from fellow adult comic Stiller and decided to do something kid friendly. We'll see if Courtney Cox can also drop the whole skank thing for a few minutes. It'll definitely be a stretch. 

Defiance, directed by Edward Zwick

Release Date: January 16, 2009

Verdict: Good. Daniel Craig is a great actor, and Zwick's credits include Glory, Blood Diamond, The Siege, and The Last Samurai. Looks like a winner to me.  

The International by Tom Twyker

Release Date: February 13, 2009

Verdict: Good. Yeah, Clive Owen is one of my favorite actors ever. This could go south and just be about vigilante justice, or it could actually be a great movie. But it's got Clive Owen, ya'll. And also, in a weird twist, Twyker recently broke up with his long-time girlfriend, who happens to be Marie from the Bourne movies. Has nothing to do with the movie, just a weird little fact. 

Valkyrie directed by Bryan Singer

Release Date: December 25, 2008

Verdict: Ugly. Guys, I'm sorry. It's always worse when great movies fail over a single, glaring oversight. Tom Cruise should not have been within a hundred miles of this film. It's directed by Bryan Singer (X-men, X2, The Usual Suspects, Superman Returns, and producer of House, M.D.), it's got Kenneth Branagh, Bill Nighy, Tom Wilkinson, and even Eddie Izzard. Why, in the world, would anybody let this talent go to waste on a Tom Cruise movie!?! I could be wrong. I hope I'm wrong, that this turns out to be amazing and Cruise pulls off the performance of a lifetime. But I don't think that's likely. 

Up, directed by Pete Doctor and Bob Peterson

Release Date: May 29, 2009 

Verdict: Good. Um, so can anyone actually think of anything they wanted to do as a childmore than this?! I mean seriously, this is a genius idea for a film. Pure genius.

I Take an Open Poll

Go to the comments, and tell us your favorite movie of all time. If you can't pick one, pick three. That's all. In 48 hours or so, the three of us (right Swede?) will post our top one or three. The 6 or 7 most common movies will get put in that snazzy little sidebar poll thing, and so we will determine the movie most loved by the readership, so then we can bash it more than the rest, and so further alienate the people we enjoy.  Sounds like fun, eh? 

No but seriously, I think I'll do this once a year or so and then we can see if our overall tastes change. Also, we get to make fun of each other for our favorite movies. It will be amazing! 

I name the Top 10 Weapons in Movies

Alright, time for another top something list of somethings. This round, it's the top 10 list of weapons in film. That's right, the 10 most famous and infamous instruments of destruction in cinema. Now, this list is open to critique and change, even addition should the need be there, because I don't pretend to have extensive movie experience. Just enough to make me dangerous - or at least annoying. Anyhow, here goes. 

Top 10 Most Famous Weapons in Cinema

10. John McClane's Beretta 9mil + 7 Inches Duct Tape

Bruce Willis' performance in Die Hard revolutionized the action movie genre. That last scene -every guy wants that. Save your girl with a pistol that's duct-taped to your back? That's the definition of manliness.  

 

9. The Italian Stallion's Fists

Rocky wasn't just a great boxing movie. It is the boxing movie. Rocky took over boxing films like Kleenax took over tissues. It defined an era and started a genre.

 

8. Bond's Walther PPK

This weapon had to make the list. James' favorite field piece, outdated and painful to use though it is, is an indispensable part of the 007 persona. Besides, this weapon has saved the world so many times it's ridiculous. 

7. Rambo's M60

The quintessential man's philosophy: little bit good, lotta bit better. Especially when it comes to guns. If a sword is decent, a pistol good, and an assault rifle better, let's give a ticked off Nam veteran the biggest machine gun we can find, and have him dismantle a town with it. Sheer genius. 

6. King Arthur's Sword Excalibur 

I know what you're thinking - surely, Clive Owen fan though he may be, Trotter hasn't just put that two-bit tripe-fest King Arthur in a top ten list of anything?! Sigh with relief, as this is the sword from Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail. Come now, any sword that bestows supreme executive power when thrown by some watery tart, as well as being able to take off arms of black knights at the lightest touch, well, that's my kind of sword. 

5. Robin Hood's Bow (as carried by Errol Flynn)

Robin Hood is arguably the ultimate folk hero. Flynn's portrayal is timeless, and set the standard for future adaptations of the tale, as well as for future heros in film. Although the arrows never seemed to draw blood, they were still enough to woo Marian. 

4.  Indiana Jones' Whip

Utterly original, completely unexpected, absolutely brilliant. Indiana Jones was the first real hero to use a whip since Zorro. How successful was it? Suffice it to say that nobody thinks Zorro when they see a whip anymore. They think fedora. 

3. Harry Callahan's .44 Magnum

Whether or not the magnum is the most powerful handgun in the world, or can blow a man's head off, or is even a decent gun, it doesn't really matter. Clint's immortal words cemented forever the place of the .44 in the annals of film. 

2. Any Gun Held by John Wayne

I'm thinking specifically of the Winchester rifles of True Grit, but anything the Duke uses will do. Wayne, like him or not, was the cinematic icon, the Elvis of film. Any weapon he held was made awesome by his touch. Especially those swinging rifles -- reins in his teeth, galloping at the villains, the Duke was the man. 

1. Luke Skywalker's Lightsaber

This is like putting the Beetles at the top of any music list - you just know it's gotta be there. The lightsaber made everything old new again, and proved the timeless elegance and beauty of the swordfight. The grace and visceral energy of Skywalker as he deflects imperial lasers and fights Darth Vader has captivated generation after generation. 

I got tagged

Okay, so, a while back, Faith of Viva la Vida fame tagged me on her blog. Here's the rules: you list six random things about you, you call out six people you know to do the same. And the unwritten rule is, of course, unlike chain emails, if you don't do it you're sorta the tacky guy on the block. And I ain't that guy. So here it is.

1. I could not stand pizza until the summer after I turned 15. Until this year I hated spaghetti and lasagna. I've never been able to comprehend people's desire for guacamole.

2. I love vinyl records. Rob and I collectively own almost thirty LPs, and they are the way of the future. That's right, the future.

3. Rob and I have a running dare that we won't turn on the heat in our apartment. He said "So when are we gonna turn the heat on?" I responded, "whenever you get cold." He then said: "I can last as long as you can." To which my obvious response was, "and I can last longer than you, so I guess we're good."

4. I have an unreasonable, unpredictable, and totally irrational love for the band Journey.

5. Until this past August, when I moved into the apartment, I've never had my own room. I always shared one with my two younger brothers or sister (at least, as long as I can remember). And, perhaps even weirder, (unless you know my brothers, both the painfully cool Kanaan/Mark and the tragically hip Khristian/whatever annoying name I can come up with) I enjoyed it immensely. I think I'll make my children do the same.

6. My grandaddy makes the best BBQ in the world, and my grandmother makes the best fried chicken. This is the grandaddy who dipped my pacifier in Dr. Pepper when I was but a tyke. I also vividly remember the two times in my life that they have not had DP in their fridge. Those were tragic days.

Okay, so that's it. You now know 6 extremely random yet important factors in my life. I think my favorite part of this list is the descriptors of my brothers. You can commonplace me if you'd like. (sarcasm alert - I really don't think you should, it's not all that great) The beauty of it is, if you know my brothers you know how very, very true those words are. Kanaan is (at least to my nerdy self) always cool, often painfully cool. And Khristian, well, he's just always tragically hip. And yes, you can say that your grandmother or mother or cousin Suzie makes better fried chicken than my grandmother. Just know, deep down in your heart of hearts, that you're wrong. Really, objectively, utterly wrong.

Oh yeah, six people. Hmm. Most people I know that read this blog don't have one. But, all the same, here goes. You guys can post your six in the comments section. And make it interesting, people. Surprise me (Trey, not too much). That said, if you refuse, I'll understand, I'll just call you girl names for the rest of the time I know you (except for Antkowiak - I won't do a thing except ask why, and then in a completely non-aggressive tone of voice).

Bobby Lee, Trey, Will Hughes, Mark (yeah, you Kano), Jeremy Sauder, Tyler Antkowiak.

I am suspicious of backpacking

Because Rob and Dane posted their Rhetoric declamations, and mine amused me when I wrote it, I will post mine as well. So, here goes. 

        Mr. Timothy Clemans asserts that “everyone should experience the joys and benefits of backpacking.” The heart of my disagreement with him is this simple truth: not everyone should go backpacking. Sure, it’s great for your health to breathe the fresh clear air, spiced with a hint of moose dung, but what about the other side of this issue? Mr. Clemans’ logic, though full of examples, seems short on practical experience. A dozen people can’t walk through a forest, camp, and leave it better than they found it. It just won’t happen. National parks try to limit human impact on the environment, but with little success. In Glacier Bay National Park, Alaska, the National Park Service reports that nearly 10% of camping sites had severe vegetative damage, while 86% had significant human impact. Mr. Clemans himself told a story that demonstrates this. Once when backpacking, he frightened a bald eagle away from the salmon it had just caught. Though the subsequent meal, the experience, and the scenery were, I am sure, great for Mr. Clemans, the eagle was left without a meal. We can enjoy nature without destroying it by backpacking. 

        In addition, Mr. Clemans says in at least four different ways that camping miles away from civilization is therapeutic. Civilization, I would hasten to point out, includes toilets. If you’ve ever had to take care of business on a cold and wet mountain, you know that “therapeutic” is not the word to describe it. “Fun, physical, and rewarding pastime” indeed. 

I am, again, amazed

Guys, you didn't forget the Somali pirates did you? The ones who just saw a big ship and stopped it? I didn't think so. Well, there has been a lot of activity in that region recently, and despite the vigilant eyes of the U.S., Russia, a few E.U. ships, and NATO, at least one more large freighter has been seized by other Somali pirates. That being said, what of our original buddies on the good ship MS Faina? How have they lasted out the last month and a half? 

Well, they're still there. Their demand is now 8 million in the coldest and hardest instead of 20 million. Poor guys, it's tough being a pirate these days. People just don't have any respect any more. Sheesh. 

I almost want to pray for these guys to win just because they're so gutsy, but they're Muslims and pirates. So I suppose I'll be praying for their salvation and that they would figure out how exactly they're gonna get out of this one. 

I play the prophet

Tomorrow, around 8 or 9 PM CST, the major news media is going to realize that this is a much closer race than anyone wants to say. States like Idaho, New York, Kansas, and Oklahoma will go exactly as polled. CNN's predictions, though, that Obiden will lap McPalin on electoral votes is just dang ridiculous. Virginia will not go to Obama, and neither will Montana or North Dakota. I'm having trouble seeing Washington going that way as well. I think Palin will swing a large portion. North Carolina is another easy shot for the Reds. We may have another state (a la New Hampshire in y2k) that's up in the Blue Northeast that ends up swinging over. The big problems will, as always, lie in the swing states. What will be interesting though, is that this election will do roughly what the 2000 election did. Ohio and Pennsylvania will be split between Dems and Reps. Ohio will again go to the Red and Pennsylvania Blue. The battle will end up in Florida, like it always seems to, and this is where Wolf Blitzer will get all shrill and flustered. 

All of a sudden he and the rest of the "best political team in the frippin universe"™ will realize that their polls were wrong. Here's the thing about Florida, Alabama, and Georgia: more than half of the people who will vote for the Republicans no matter who is running are the working class heroes that anarchist musicians love to sing about and then love to hate come November. They are the trailer-living, gun toting, beer drinking rednecks who would hang up on any pollster in the world. But they'll show up tomorrow, and Wolf Blitzer and Anderson "The Grease" Cooper will shake their heads in sadness, and swear blue streaks on and off of cats when commercial breaks come. 

Come 12 am on Nov. 5th, we'll be no closer to a result. This one will take days, more likely weeks. The battle will start in the courts, and we'll see how it goes from there. It will be quite interesting to see how Charlie Crist (FL governor), a democrat, will react when his sponsor John McCain (they have a long track record together) and his party's nominee are both fighting over his state's votes. It'll be a very amusing couple of weeks

N.B. I have made at least two dozen controversial claims unfounded on any sort of real data except my own, limited experience. Most of this is sheer conjecture. But I do really think it's what will happen. May God, as Pastor Wilson said this Sunday, give us mercy and not justice. 

I was rugbified

Yep. And it was amazing. On this past Saturday a great tradition continued with the annual Pumpkin Rugby game between the House of Blaine (with the notable assistance of The Drones Club) and the House of Ana. It was a beautiful day for a match. The sky glowered on us with great grey clouds, fat with rain. A light drizzle added to the bite of the wind, yet we heeded not more than to laugh a little and cry out yet harder. The white-clad men of Blaine lined up, 5 paces from the first pumpkin, and 10 from the black rogues of Ana. It was a beautiful match. Tough were the men, loud was the cheering, and many were the pumpkins that were smashed into pieces. Not a man went home unscathed, though some left more on the field than others. Nate Douglas, one of the glorious captains of the House of Blaine, dislocated his right thumb, while Russell Woods, who allied with the House of Ana, was mildly concussed (by a knee from Pat Swanson and, if you happen to know him, you'll know how much of a miracle it was that it was only a mild concussing that happened in that ruck). Jonathan Heslep had a most impressive bloody nose, many people were scratched, scraped, etc. I myself got cleated in the back of the head. And I was also one of the few who were fallen on by Tyler Antkowiak, and if you've seen Antowiak you know how significant that is. My ribs are rather sore. In the end, it was a victory for Blaine, something like 8 to 3, though I'm by no means certain of the exact score. Rugby is an exceptionally manly sport. To be a great rugby player you have to have strength, mass, speed, and skill. Unlike football, there is less organization and more of an honor system involved. You don't see guys standing with their hands in the air in football. Anyhow, all of this to say, come Spring, when the world starts to poke its head out into the new lights, when everything starts becoming green, don't be surprised if there aren't a few Freshmen walking around with massive bruises, bloodied clothes, and generally looking sore. St. Andy's just might be starting back up. 

Check out some of the pictures on Erin's fine blog. 

I am in da haus, jah?

Below are four videos from the YouTube. If you're an acquaintance of mine or Rob's, odds are you've heard phrases from any or all of these thrown around some. If, Lord help you, you're a friend of either of us, you just thought we were overusing our own wit. Little did you know we're not even that clever, we just were quoting someone else's humor. So, there's one video below from the film Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Are Dead, and three from the same series of Volkswagen commercials. Oh, and those commercials will probably change your life. Just so you know . . .

Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Are Dead - The Questions Game



Volkswagen Golf GTi-Mk5: Commercial 1


Volkswagen Golf GTi-Mk5: Commercial 2


Volkswagen Golf GTi-Mk5: Commercial 3