I'm telling you to wait, because this gets amazing

Okay, so a little background. If you don't know who Chuck Norris is, you need to do one of the following immediately: a) Get out more or 2) Go here and learn. For the record, he's a political conservative. Sorry, did that catch you off guard? I didn't think so.

So. Recently I've been surfing the internets trying to find the company that publishes a book I have to cite in my Rhetoric Term Paper. At said company's website, something in the lower left corner catches my eye. This is where it gets amazing. First, the title.
Black Belt Patriotism
Okay. What the heck? I'm speechless. Did someone let the 15 year old homeschooled boy try to write a book? What happened here?

Then I saw and understood the picture.
I don't know if you can tell, but that is, in fact, an American flag on his left sleeve. Priceless.

Yes, folks, Walker Texas Ranger has finally told you how to be a patriot if you don't want yourself roundhoused. But what could such a fount of knowledge have to write about? Let's see the 5 issues which Chuck says are important enough that he had to write about them.

1. Immigration and securing our borders
2. Winning the culture war for the sake of our children,
3. Triumphing in the war on terrorism
4. Tackling fiscal irresponsibility—both in government and at home.
5. Battling the problem of widespread obesity

If you did not laugh out loud at number five, you have no soul. Or shake your head in befuddled sorrow. I can accept that.

Whoa! Silent speed reading

I recently discovered, for the first time (through my first Rhetoric lecture with Mr. Wilson), the technique of reading silently (without sub-vocalizing (to use the term Mr. Wilson used). I had thought before that reading silently meant that you weren't speaking aloud. I mastered this type of reading soon after I learned to read. However, in the past when I've read I've always heard the words in my head as I read them. I don't even mouth them with my lips but it is still as if I'm reading aloud. It's kind of cool sometimes because if the author has a distinctive voice (like a foreign accent or something) the words are heard in my head in his accent. Like I said, Sometimes this is great (like when I'm reading poetry; or just for recreational reading) but at other times it's just plain annoying (like when you are trying to read 300 pgs. of Augustine in just one night).

So, I'm just starting to be able to read without that little annoying voice in my head saying every word I read for me. Now, the words go straight from the page, to my eyes and then to my brain. This has lead to a great revolution in the speed and efficiency of my reading. It's truly amazing how much faster I can read if I forgo the audible translation process.

The only catch is that I can only pull this off for roughly half a page and then the words revolt, if you will, and burst into audible form. I hope to get better at this as time progresses. Stay tuned for more news of my mad reading skills.